Yesterday afternoon I was eager to see the anticipated New York Times best seller turned Blockbuster hit “I Am Number Four”. I most recently finished the book and looked forward to see the story come to life on the movie screen. Unfortunately, not only did the movie fail to live up to the legacy left by its inspiration, the movie was slightly painful and awkward to sit through. I had a similar sensation when I went to the opening premiere of “Eragon”. Oddly enough, Eragon also begin as a New York Times best seller young adult fantasy novel and the movie too lacked the magic that drew audiences to the book in the first place. I remember convincing a few of my frat brothers – yes once upon a time I was in a fraternity … well a gay one, but none the less – to go see Eragon with me. Skeptical of talking CGI dragons and a dubious storyline, it took a few bribes, tons of begging, and an act of God to even get them into the theater. What ensued then was two hours of sheer embarrassment; I was embarrassed to be watching the movie and embarrassed that I convinced six other people to witness the devastation with me – six people who still haven’t let me forget about it

The movie was in general disappointing and at times boring. Alex Pettyfer plays John Smith, an orphaned alien on the run with his guardian, from a race of killer aliens. Though gorgeous beyond question, Pettyfer lacked any depth or emotional complexity. He spoke in the same monotone voice throughout the majority of the movie. Dianna Argon plays Sarah, the once cheerleader and former girlfriend to the quarterback, who realized her boyfriend and friends were shallow and decides to turn her focus toward photography and a life out of Paradise, Ohio. She played an exact copy of her GLEE character Quinn and brought nothing new nor original to the character. The best parts of the movie involved John’s adorable magically-transforming beagle and the sassy attitude of Number Six. Alex and Dianna’s on-screen romance was stagnant and inauthentic and audiences found themselves chuckling at the obviously clichéd lines. Perhaps that is why Alex and Dianna broke up in real life, no chemistry – that or they were mortified by each other’s on screen performance.    

So I am about to go on a geeky rant about the pitfalls of the movie. If you intend on seeing the movie and wish to be “surprised” then read no further and good luck, perhaps you will have a different interpretation than I.

In the book one of the first appearances of John’s power is a bright light that shines from his hands. Aptly named “Lumen”, meaning light in Latin, this is a typical first Legacy to inherit. Apparently in movie world a power like that translates into freaking laser beams and the ability to re-charge a fallen comrade. Similarly one of the coolest parts of having this perhaps seemingly uncool power is that it made John resistant to heat and fire, which the directors neglected to include in the movie.

Secondly, the Mogadorians in the book are a creepy and incredibly powerful race of super aliens. They were able to take down an entire planet full of people with super powers. In the book, the authors build tension and emphasize the importance of keeping hidden from the Mogs because they are so hard to kill. The movie makes them out to be a band of easily disposed of storm troopers. An epic moment in the book centers on John’s first encounter battling a Mog – a battle that zaps John of all of his strength and nearly kills him. John and the intrepid Number 6 were able to take down all of the bad guys – of which there were about 8 - in a matter of minutes in some sci-fi Rambo action flick. Umm excuse me, if these awful evil super aliens are so easily defeated … why are you running? Also, if you are a Mog and these children could be the key to your downfall, wouldn’t you send your entire army to ensure their demise, not a skeleton crew of idiots?

I understand that movies cannot entirely capture every element of the book, but seriously. Why, when you basically have a script in hand do you feel the need to alter important plot details such as, oh I don’t know, unnecessarily killing one of the main characters for dramatic effect. Henri, John’s grizzly alien protector, is anti-climatically killed during the end of the movie for no good reason. In the book, Henri was a protector who not only raised and loved John as his own son but trained and helped John hone his new powers so that he might one day be strong enough to battle the Mogs. In the movie, John acquired his powers with little or no problems or side effects, received no training on how to control his powers, and Henri served as the generally creepy man who found photos and videos of John on the internet and deleted them – way to cut out about 65% on the novel.

What is most troubling is that, aside from the Harry Potter series, very few teen fantasy novels have successfully translated from the text to the silver screen.  More often than not, directors rely on a hot blonde male lead and dazzling special effects to confuse audiences into thinking the movie is actually good.  Movie adaptations for critically acclaimed teen fantasy novels “City of Bones” – also starring Alex Pettyfer - and “The Hunger Games” are already in production. I just hope that they are even marginally better than “I Am Number Four” and Hollywood does not continue to butcher and distort these popular and loved books. 

Final recommendation is to wait until I Am Number Four arrives at Redbox and watch it then ... and even then approach with caution. If you are looking for answers to life, comedic relief, or a compelling and engaging story, then watch Dogma and forgo this movie experience.