Dear Stupid Person That Wastes My Time,

I thought that I had left you far behind when I had matriculated from the University of Wisconsin, but unfortunately you have followed me all the way out to the barren desert of Reno and continue to haunt me in my professional career.

I first really noticed you years ago in my political science class when the professor would be in the middle of explaining something epic that would invariably show up on a future exam, and you would raise your hand and ask a question that sounded like this.

“Hi Professor, I wonder if the recent allegations put forth by the United Nations is indicative a larger power struggle between the axis of evil and iron curtain with hegemonic policies dictating foreign relations and guiding the inflation of the global market … blah blah blah insert big words here”

Whenever we saw your hand go up, we all dreaded what was about to happen. A 5 minute diatribe that ultimately serves no purpose other than allowing you to hear the sound of your voice and also prove to everybody else in the class that you are more worldly and knowledgeable than the rest of us. Psshh, worldly, I could tell you who has won the Academy Award for best picture for the past 15 years; if that is not worldly knowledge I do not know what is. You distracted the professor and took them on your wild and crazy journey with you. When your professor just blankly stares at you and says “right,well that is not what we are talking about right now”, you know it is a sign to shut the hell up. We detested your general presence, didn't want to share any of our notes with you, and generally wished for your academic demise in some weird Schadenfreude way.

Sometimes God decided to have a sense of humor, and placed someone like you in my class, only everything that came out of your mouth was unintelligible, but BOY did you enjoy the sound of your own voice. Sitting in class during the review session before the big final, I was attempting to learn an entire semester's worth of information in one review session and you would waste time by asking questions such as this:

“Ummm …. so like …. will this exam have questions on it? Ok, will they be multiple choice questions? How many multiple choice questions are there going to be? How many essays do I need to prepare for? Will I be able to use the bathroom during the test? Will I be able to ask annoying questions such as these once the exam is given out?”

Suddenly the review session was over, and I was no closer to understanding what the class was about or what is going to be on the final exam. Ugh, all I wanted to do was rub a cut grapefruit in your exposed eye.

I thought that I had left you behind when I left college and the annoying academics that inhabit those spaces. However, I have recently discovered that you did not disappear, merely metamorphosed into a different form: the business entrepreneur. I was at a workshop session about online marketing the other day. I struggled with whether to go or not. Would these be one of these workshops that unveiled the wonders of “facebook” or instructed people how to “tweet”? It was overall an informative session until once again, I saw your face, and suddenly I wanted to die. Although you looked a little different, you acted in exactly the same way. You asked a question that went like this:

“Umm so I know that there are like 60 other people in the room who have personalized questions about their individual business and we all want to ask them, but I am going to ask a vague question that COULD potentially apply to more than person, but ultimately only helps me. Oh, be prepared, for I will ask a lot of follow-up questions – again specifically focusing on me – until the session is over and I have used up all the time”.

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! At 7:30am in the morning, that is the last thing I needed, and I hadn't even had a diet coke yet. So to the annoying person who asks a lot of inane questions that all have selfish intentions whether they be to prove to everyone how smart you are, determine the minimal amount of work necessary to STILL FAIL YOUR CLASS, or to draw attention to yourself, SHUT UP! We are tired of you wasting our time and making us generally frustrated. It is because of you that I shudder when I pass by signs that say “group discussions” or am generally leery of all workshops. Please take the time that you would normally use to ask questions and engage in some introspective reflection, and hopefully you will be so preoccupied with that, that you will have completely forgotten to ask a question.  Now do not get me wrong, asking questions is important part of learning and growth and we should ask questions ... just don't be stupid or oblivious about the whole situation.

Love,

Miss Ginger Devine