Today I learned that Roseanne might be one of the greatest television series in history. The minute details that the writers, directors, costumers put into conveying the life of lower-middle class family in Landford, Illinois is astounding. Nowadays, your average sitcom might have their disgruntled bouts with one another, but only for comedic effect. Most of the time, these families are middle class/upper middle class families with two working parents - though you hardly see them actually working - navigating the sometimes trite mundaity of their life.

Today I learned that life truly is a miracle. In 9-month gestational period for humans, a million and one things need to align perfectly for a healthy baby to be brought into this world. During that time, any number of mutations, accidents, mishaps, or whatever could occur, terminating the pregnancy or irrevocably changing the life of that child - and their family - forever. I learned that some parents are willing to face that uncertainty while others are not.

Today I learned that if you want help you need to ask for it. Expecting people to come to your aid because you assume that they should or because if you were in their shoes you would offer to help, will only lead to disappointment and resentment. If you don't express what is on your mind to friends, co-workers, partners than you cannot possibly be mad. You take their ignorance as inconsiderateness. Today I also learned that sharing your true feelings with those around can be a liberating fulfilling experience, if those individuals are open to hearing it. Whether or not they are or aren't shouldn't stop you, though, for why should you live your life in state of perpetual terror.  

Today I learned that it is really not ok to listen to Miley Cyrus.

Today I learned that our system of law is racked with flaws. We pass laws to resign certain members of our citizenry to a second-class like status. Federal laws that are passed to help the individual are largely not enforced, dependent upon the state to define ambiguous language and incumbent upon them to enforce said federal regulations, and more often than not are blithely unaware that a law has passed and their state is not in compliance with new statutes. Of course, no one is necessarily penalized for the lack of follow through ... well except those individuals that might benefit from the new law or regulation.  

Today I learned that any meal can be made better with the addition of avocado.

Today I learned that people from Texas are different from the rest of the denizens of the US. Warranted or unwarranted, I think sometimes we - and our state - is better than everyone else. Being from Texas is like gaining instant entry into an exclusive club; a club that probably still wishes to secede from the US.

Today I learned that there are numerous children in the United States that lack basic necessities of life; food, water, love, shelter, safety. Years ago I learned that children are our future; today I learned that for many children in our country that future is bleak and hopeless. Today I learned that there are loving and capable parents, whose requests for adoption are denied, just because of their identity. I also learned that there are heroes everywhere that are trying to make the lives of children and families better and attempting to end this appalling reality for children in America.

Today I learned that, though Disney has an impressive lexicon of animated movies to their credit, I will always rank the trifecta of Disney classics - Little Mermaid, Lion King, and Aladin - above all other Disney movies.

Today I learned that the best way to start my morning is with McDonald's breakfast - 2 sausage biscuits and 2 hash browns Large Diet Coke. If McDonalds is not available than a Venti White Chocolate Mocha with an extra shot from Starbucks will do just fine.

They decorate onesies with inspirational Lady Gaga lyrics ;)

This past weekend a good friend of mine hosted a baby show in honor of an adorable – I’m assuming – baby boy named Benjamin. I have never attended a baby shower in my life and, though I am practically a woman, I just assumed that this would be one of those strange and mystical rituals that I would never take part in. I didn’t really know what to expect; I assumed we would eat food, play an assortment of “baby-related” games and ultimately watch the mother-to-be tear through a slue of exquisitely wrapped presents.

I walked into my friend’s home and every single head turned, the same confused look sprawled across their faces. I think it took people a little while to re-shift their paradigm for this party, to see a male in, what is typically known as, an all-female space. With shifting definitions of family and what that looks like, it is not uncommon that we overhauling many of our “family-centered rituals” and modifying them to be more current. Besides, if I am going to be little Benjamin’s fairy auntie than, I better get a damn invite to the party ;) There were moments though where I felt a bit out of place; however we did learn that I KICK ASS at baby shower games. Here is a little bit of my inner monologue from the party.

“hmm I don’t have a vagina, or a husband, or children …. Well now that we have exhausted all possible conversation topics, let’s grab some more cupcakes!”

 Of course, it didn’t help that when it came time to decorate the onesies for baby Benjamin, I decided to take a less-than-traditional direction for decorating mine. While many patrons of the party decided to embroider their onesies with adorable messages of cuteness like “My Mom is My Bestie”, I decided to impart to Benjamin practical advice that will help mold and guide him as he goes through life.  I decided to write lyrics from Lady Gaga’s most recent hit “Born this Way” and drew “Don’t Be a Drag Just be a Queen” on his onesies. A few of the guests were a little confused. A told my friend that she just had to take one photo of Benjamin in the onesies and then she could conveniently “lose” it.

Ultimately I learned much from the experience; the inner world of mothers and child-rearing. I didn’t realize that you need so much crap in order to properly raise a child. I thought you simply needed tings like bottles, blankets, and love in order to raise a child. Apparently you need such devices as a Pack-N-Play and rubber duckies that turn a different color if the water is too hot along with an assortment of other gadgets and trinkets. Also, apparently there is a slue of lotions and creams necessarily to successfully navigate a pregnancy/infant, including Butt Paste and Nipple Crème. Frankly, it sounded all too overwhelming – kind of like a houseplant at times seems overwhelming to me. Maybe I’ll try to keep the houseplant alive and gradually upgrade from there.