The Utility Players are starting a new bi-weekly publication called "The Daily Gossip" - an Onion inspired creation - with the Utility Players offering their unique and comedic spin on today's news topics. Much like the Onion, all the articles are fictitious - mostly - and all names are made up - except for the celebrities we make fun of.  I was asked to contribute an article, and while it is my first foray into journalism, I had a lot of fun writing the article and excited for the next issue. Let me know what you'll think.

The Daily Gossip: Vol. 1

Hollywood, CA: The preteen world was shocked when doctors revealed that pop-singing -sensation-wannabe-

cross-over-actress, Miley Cyrus, has multiple personality disorder. Cyrus was admitted to the Hollywood Mental Health Center late Saturday afternoon. According to sources, the Disney icon was enjoying lunch at the London by herself when things started to get out of hand.

Dorothy Camera, who was outside the London walking her Labradoodle at the time of the incident, noticed Cyrus exiting the restaurant in a rush yelling loudly to herself. “At first I thought she was on one of those blue tooth devices that are so popular these days,” Camera related. "However, she then started slapping herself and screaming ‘I’m the best of both worlds. No I’m the best of both worlds’." Apparently, Gordon Ramsey attempted to intervene to subdue the amateur diva, but regretted that decision when he received a Fendi purse to the eye.

Dr. Herbert Wiffen was the doctor on call when Cyrus came into the Center. “It was difficult checking her into the Center; first she said her name was Destiny, then Miley, then Hannah, and then Miley.” Doctor Wiffen, who is no stranger to the child star gone astray, has treated such personalities as Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen, as well as Raven Simone. When asked how this all happened, Doctor Wiffen had this to say on the matter: “I believe the stress of debating whether or not she should reveal her hidden identity over the years finally took it’s toll on her. I’m going to do every thing I can, but the diagnosis does not look good."

When father and fellow actor Billy Ray Cyrus was asked his thought on the tragic news he exclaimed, “I call dibbs on Miley’s Room!” Concerned parents and screaming fans are directing their blame for the incidence at the Disney Corporation. Disney denies that it is responsible, citing that Cyrus signed a contract absolving Disney from all legal blame should Cyrus suffer from paranoia, tone deafness, and/or multiple personality disorder.

Much uncertainly surrounds the future of this once rising pop star. However, I think Cyrus had it right when she said, “But you can’t wait, to see me again.