This week, pre-teens and wannabes across the nation went Coo Coo for Coco Puffs over the release of the first official trailer of "Breaking Dawn" part 1. Audiences witnessed as the preview showed snippets of the wedding between Edward and Bella, the crazy wild sex that they eventually have, and then Bella's pregnancy. Video editors really made the wedding look really dramatic with sharp cuts and tension-filled music playing in the background. The creative think tank of the Twilight Series decided that the one movie was not enough and decided to follow in the steps of Harry Potter and make the final book of the series a two-parter. This is ever so slightly problematic. See, the final book of the widely acclaimed Harry Potter series was some 850 page novel with beautifully woven story lines, deaths, births, battles, etc. It makes perfect sense why that novel should be divided up into two separate parts. However, "Breaking Dawn" is 400 page book of a terribly written series where ... get ready for it ... NOTHING HAPPENS. Prepare as I breakdown for y'all. If you actually like the Twilight Series and want to be surprised as to what happens then read no more.

As the trailer reveals Edward and Bella get married which results in a night of ridiculous crazy animal sex - leaving Bella bruised the next day. Bella is impregnated, although no one is really sure how, for they all thought it to be impossible. The baby grows at an exponential rate so that in the span of a few chapters in a book, Bella's baby goes through its entire gestation period. The baby claws its way through Bella, effectively killing her, and forcing Edward'shand to turn her into a vampire - god Kristen Stewart as an immortal ... eww. Everything is going great until the Volturi - the ancient and stuffy ruling class of vampires - decides the baby is an abomination and they must destroy it. The rest of the book involves both sides amassing their forces - even the werewolves and the vampires play nice for a while to take on thebigger threat - and preparing for the battle to end all battles. Then ... NOTHING HAPPENS. No battle, no fighting, no deaths ... NOT EVEN ONE DEATH!!! An entire football field filled to the brim with supernatural killing machines and NOBODY DIES ... nobody even gets a paper cut. It is the most anti-climatic storyline that I have ever had to suffer through.

So prepare audiences, as the entertainment industry once again attempts to squeeze every nickel and dime from you as they throw another trite movie-going experience our way. Now ... of course I will probably still eventually see these movies ... for closure if nothing else ... but I will most certainly wait until one of my girlfriends or gay guy friends decides to break down and buy it.