This morning, a co-worker and I decided to take a morning walk – though it was 30 degrees and windy. In the midst of a great conversation about Princess Katherine’s magnificent dress at the Royal Wedding today, three shuttles drove past bearing the words “Have you heard the awesome news? The End of the World is Almost Here!” Apparently an assortment of fanatical religious cults has put down their cups of Kool-Aid and are now preaching that the end of the world is nearer than anticipated. Originally, I thought I had at least until 2012 until fire and brimstone began to rain from the heavens. I learned that these new groups think that Judgment Day is occurring on May 21^st while the actual Day of Destruction will occur sometime in the middle of October.

You have got to be kidding me. There is no way in hell that Judgment Day is taking place the day prior to my birthday. I don’t want to be in the midst of my birthday party, if and when, the good lord comes down from on high. I have this vision of me getting buck wild and freaky on the dance floor, mixing a martini in the mouth of a suave gentleman caller when God cuts in and stares down at me and ever so slightly shakes his head as he says “Oh Ginger”. At that point I would calmly remind God of his omniscient powers and state “Come on God, you and I both know this is not the worst thing I have done”.

I did some more research on the group in question making such allegations. I learned it is coming from a group called Family Radio, run by a man called Harold Camping. Harold’s predictions and prophecies for the fate of the world have included:

1. Harold Camping proclaimed the Lord's return would be in 1994!
2. Harold Camping now proclaims the Lord's return will be in October, 20, 2011!
3. Harold Camping taught that NO ONE was saved between 1988 through 1994!
4. Harold Camping teaches that the church age ended in 1994!
5. Harold Camping teaches that the Holy Spirit is NO LONGER working in the church!

After more scrolling I learned that “gay pride” is a sign from the good lord of the impending apocalypse – and once again it all comes back to the gays. I don’t care about “Family Radio” or their incessant need to send people into a blind panic about their salvation. We live in the city of Reno, why don’t we leave it to chance, take a little gamble, and see on May 21^stwho God condemns to an eternity in Hell. My question though is how these individuals manage to find the financial resources to purchase shuttle vehicles and billboards to spread their falsities. Are they receiving grants? Are people actually donating to the cause? Or do they happen to own some ridiculous business like Pizza Hut or Quiznos and that’s how they front all of their operations? Either way, I feel that as we get closer to 2012 the crazies are going to come out in force, each with a varying opinion on how or why the world is ending. Meh, I’m over it, if the world ends, it ends. However, if this plays out exactly like Y2K I will be pissed.

I like to think that I am a resourceful individual. I would like to think that I have the gumption and strong survival instincts to live through any end-of-the-world-disaster that looms overhead in 2012 - I mean if John Cusack can, then I certainly have a fighting chance. I would like to think that if I were cast in a horror flick/end of the world action thriller that my bubbly personality and comedic wit would keep my alive. The more likely reality is that I will say something sassy or ridiculous like “ohh if I see one of those alien space invaders I am going to kick their butt” before getting zapped and go down with some zinger like “aint that some shit”.

The truth of the matter is that I do not know how to hunt – or generally shoot a gun -, I am not wilderness savvy, my medical knowledge consists of Grey’s Anatomy story lines, and the most epic battle I have ever gotten into is completing a dungeon raid in World of Warcraft. If the impending 2012 doomsday is going to occur then I need to spend 2011 making me somewhat competent in the fine art of surviving the post-apocalyptic world. My greatest asset at the moment is my extensive knowledge of science fiction/fantasy books and TV shows – I could certainly gleam lessons from these experiences; such as finding the one and only weakness of the alien/robot hybrid.  Years of watching the SyFy channel might ultimately pay off in the end.

All I know is that if a major catastrophe occurs that renders the earth a desolate wasteland full of rival biker gang groups and nomadic rebels, I hope that I end up playing the role of Tina Turner in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome and get to rock the ridiculously large hoop earrings. I’m just saying, if the world ends, I still plan on living it in style as a big old overlord queen.