A hard lesson to learn. One would assume that a drag queen that, for the most part, wears nothing but corsets, would have learned the limitations of such articles of clothing. Unfortunately I dared to test the gods and mow down on a Double Double with animal fries at In N Out. 

A few of us had just finished doing a photo shoot for a new building going up downtown. It was such an incredible experience:

"Oh what did you do this weekend Ginger?

"Oh not much. Just a few girlfriends and I dressed to the nines, worked with a professional photographer, and ended up with a photo that made my friends and I look like we were the Reno Sex and the City girls ... NBD"

Of course to prepare stuffing myself into my latest instrument of torture, I refused to eat or drink anything for hours leading up to the shoot. So, it was safe to say, that at the end of the photo shoot, I was ready to put up my heels and stuff my face.  We rush to In N Out, procure our guilty pleasures and then proceeded to drive around the corner to our usual hiding spot; a space we have called "The Fat Girl Spot"

Halfway through my Double Double, I noticed a pressure brewing in  my breastal region. I surveyed that the pressure was occurring at the intersection of my spanks and the corsets tightest part. I thought I could plow through the rest of my burger and animal fries and survive until I had returned to the safety and comfort of my home to release my fat rolls from their prison. However, I couldn't keep it in anymore and I had to unzip the corset and tear it from my body. It was at that point that a wave of relief and orgasmic pleasure rushed over me. It also happened to be the point when a couple and their two children decided to walk in front of our car. 

Oops. What? Haven't you seen a topless drag queen stuffing her face under the awning of a Chevron gas station? What? I'm just saying. 

My very own Wikipedia page on general health and wellness, Granolafer, begins her intrepid day with a smoothie concoction that she brews herself at home. I have always been a little curious about the smoothies; Granolafer throws out all of these amazing buzz words such as "super food" and "greens" when describing them.  So today, Granolafer brought in a small mason jar filled with her vegan organic potion for me to try. I was excited to potentially embark on a new exciting path to general wellness and health.

Then I tried it ...

Perhaps I have misconception about what a smoothie is and how it should it taste - also notice the brown/purplish coloring with a texture equivalent to sludge. Most of my experiences stem from the awesomeness that is Jamba Juice with their catchy names and dubious health boosts. From the first gulp I tasted every natural ingredient in the mixture. Have you ever wondered what organic tastes like? It tastes like dirt and cellulose. I then asked Granolafer to describe the ingredients found in the smoothie and this is what I got:

Raw sunflower milk, romaine, kale, paleo greens (raw dried greens), mixed berries, chia seeds (YES AS IN THE PET), cacao beans, and protein mix (rice protein)

It's a little different from the Razzle Dazzle I am use to. However, I am adventurous and finished the whole thing. Then my body started to freak out. I don't believe my body is use to so many organic things hitting it at one time. I, of course, promptly rectified the situation by ordering a beach club, chips, and a large Diet Coke from Jimmy Johns. I can't help it, I'm a creature of habit. I need to slowly ease my body into this new healthy organic existence so I don't scare, overwhelm or kill it.

Last night, I had a comedy show with Utility Players at the Good Luck Macbeth Theater in downtown Reno. What an absolutely fantastic night; everyone seemed to be at the top of their game and delivered a ridiculous amazing show. It's an incredible surreal experience to be backstage in the green room running through our typical warm ups and have your producer/host walk in and tell you that our show sold out 15 minutes after opening the doors. The idea that we are creating a product that people want to see over and over again is a gratifying experience and I believe motivate us as a troupe to push ourselves week after week.

Now, like most entertainers and performers, I have weird and strange pre-show rituals. I have an IPOD playlist loaded with my favorite "pump it up" anthems - including everything from "Defying Gravity" from Wicked to "Don't Stop Believing" from GLEE - , I always have to dab a little bit of lavender oil on myself for good luck, and of course I do not eat anything six hours prior to the show. Though I often brag that I have a stomach of steel and can literally eat anything without any major repercussions, I never take that risk before a show. The last thing that I want to have happen is to be an in the middle of an improv scene and have to tragically run to the bathroom. 

So, it is safe to assume that when I finish a show and the adrenaline has begun to wear off, that my stomach starts sending painful signals to my brain screaming "I'M HUNGRY". It's pretty much the only thing I can think of after a show; which of the many Reno delicacies will I indulge in tonight. Without fail, it usually falls to one of three options; Awful Awful, Denny's or the Gold 'N Silver. Last night the Gold 'N Silver won out. Like most diners, the Gold 'N Silver has a certain charm, apparent from the moment you walk in. Whether it is the rows of slot machines that greet you or the eclectic patrons that frequent the joint, the Gold 'N Silver is one the hidden gems of Reno.  Guy Fieri of Diners, Drive-ins and Dives had a similar feeling toward the place when he showcased it on his show. Renown for their Lemonade Porkchops or their world famous gravy, you usually can never go wrong with something from the Gold 'N Silver. I think their best feature though is the squeeze bottle of Ranch dressing that they provide every table; I swear that their Ranch is by far the best Ranch dressing I have ever had. 

Ugh, but last night I regret my post-show binge. First of all, I ordered a side Caesar salad. I don't know why I did it. I think knowing that I would invariably order something that was fried, I thought I was doing my body a favor by ordering a "salad". For $4.50 I got what appeared to be one of the Dole pre-made Caesar salads; the triangular looking salad pieces, with some croutons, a little bit of parmesan cheese, and a sprinkling of Caesar dressing. There was absolutely nothing nutritional whatsoever about what I ordered and it certainly wasn't a side salad worthy of charging $4.50. However knowing that my meal was on it's way - and the ability to use the Ranch - kept me happy and made me forget my less than stellar starter. The rest of the meal was fine - including the brownie sundae my roommate ordered. However when all four of us got home, we began clutching our sides and stomachs - chastising ourselves for our overindulgence - and carefully sprinting to all of our open bathrooms. 

Now it is Sunday morning and I find myself wrapped in my Snuggie, snipping Ginger Ale, nibbling on Saltine crackers, and regretting the whole ordeal. Damn you Gold 'N Silver. Damn you for your delicious diner food that leaves my body both satisfied and in pain. I think I need to take a break from you for a while until both my body and I forget forget what you have done to us. Until next time ...

 A co-worker sent this to me this morning. Apparently frozen chicken nuggests are not considered an actual food but more of a food by-product; well there goes half of my food intake.

Happy Hump Day! 

 Now, when it is negative 20 degrees in the great Midwestern state of Wisconsin you do not feel like doing very much of anything except for hibernating in your apartment, drinking vast quantities of beer, and praying for the most recent blizzard to blow over. The other thing we Midwesterners like to do is eat, especially after drinking vast quantities of beer.

After one particularly self-indulgent night, one of my best friends Derek introduced me to this takeout place called "Fat Sandwich Company". Intrigued by the title, we checked out the menu and found such disturbing and alarming sandwich options as the Fat Mess - the one I got -, the Fat MILF, and the Fat WalkofShame. All of these sandwiches have one thing in common in that it's the fastest way to a heart attack .... oh and they all incorporate some sort of fried fried fried deliciousness into the sandwich. For example, the Fat Mess, has the following ingredients:

Mozzarella sticks, Jalapeno Poppers, Fried Mushrooms, Mac N' Cheese Bites, Pizza Bites, Ranch, and BBQ Sauce

My cup runeth over. It's every hung over/stoner person's dream. My favorite friend fatty foods combined into one sandwich covered in frenchfries. You just can't find food like this here in Reno. Granted we do live in the land of buffets but still it's not the same as living in the land of cheese curds and Wisconsin Cheese Beer Soup.   

Last night, some friends and I decided to celebrate a rather long week by emotionally eating our feelings. We felt that the best way to achieve that was through a casino buffet, but not just any casino buffet, the mother of all Reno buffets, the Grand Sierra Resort buffet. Halfway through the night I had the realization that going to this buffet was an event and spectacle in and of itself.

We arrived at the Grand Sierra with much anticipation. Although arriving at 6pm in the evening, the wait still stood at two hours – a marketing ploy to encourage us to gamble I'm sure. The wait outside of this buffet was epic, as if it were outside a large concert hall and a bunch of groupies are anxiously waiting for the band to come outside. We had the inside scoop that if we went and got our free players club card we could get the buffet at reduced cost [$7.77] – so obviously I signed up for one. Now we had our players club card, but still had about an hour and a half to wait, so the next natural step in this whole process is to pretend that you are gambling so you can scam free drinks from the bar. I don't really understand gambling or truly appreciate it. Maybe one day when I have oodles of money or a husband that enjoys watching me gambling away – and most likely loosing his money – than perhaps I will “get gambling”. For now, you can find me hauled up at the Wizard of Oz penny slot machine trying to amass my vast fortune. So after loosing about $15 and getting sufficiently trashed at the bar, our little buzzer went off alerting us that our long awaited dream was about to come true.

As we were sitting at dinner, we started discussing the art of buffets and how there is a lot of tactical strategy involved in the successful completion of a buffet – especially one of this magnitude. So here are a few tips and pointers for the buffet goer to get the most out of your experience.

1. First of all, it is important that you stake out the buffet and quickly contrive a mental map outlining where all the sections are. This allows for quick entry into and quick exit from the buffet with the least amount of traffic. It also helps you avoid any pitfalls or potential traffic jams – AKA the tub of shrimp counter – that might stand in your way.

2. Realize that you can take as many plates/trips as you would like. I know sometimes the sheer amount of food is overwhelming and there is an urge to attempt to fit THE WHOLE FUCKING BUFFET on your plate and end up having a mound of food forming an awkward triangle on your plate. We may be at a buffet where our sole purpose is to indulge in eating tons of food in some hedonistic fashion, but we are still civilized human beings.

3. Don't carbo load too early!!! Buffets are an endurance trial and therefore it is about longevity. Do not load up on bread rolls, pasta salads, and french fries too early in the night. Strategically incorporate your carbs throughout the night.

4. Do not load up on cheap crappy stuff. Clearly you did not come all the way to a buffet to load up on spaghetti and meatballs. If this is the case, then save yourself the $20, mow down on some spaghettios, and stay home. If you are going to a buffet, get your money's worth, and head immediately to the prime rib table. Why would you go anywhere else? Although fruit or a salad may seem like an acceptable side dish to get, invariably though it is a waste of space in your tummy that could be better used as space for prime rib or my three different kinds of potato byproducts.

So here just a few of the tips that I have picked up over my illustrious career of buffet frequenting. There is nothing more delicious or more American than a buffet that takes up three large rooms and offers me 8 different kinds of meat and 3 different potato options.