My friend Matt posted this on my wall this morning and I about peed my pants I thought it was so funny. Of all of the minority populations that exist on this Earth, Gingers are the easiest and most entertaining to taunt. Mainly because the accusations have no basis in reality - lack of soul, Gingervitis - and yet there might be a shred of truth to the rumors that makes people both frightened and curious.

Enjoy!!! Happy Thanksgiving everyone

As we all know, being a Ginger is very important to who I am as a person and as a performer. Though there is some baggage associated with a Ginger identity, making fun of Gingers is such comedic gold. I feel that in some respects, Gingers are the new underrepresented population to sling jokes at. Think about it - we are a dieing civilization, we can't go out into direct sunlight, and bruise like summer fruit - what kind of threat would we pose. However, we do have that whole "no soul" thing going for us, so watch out. I still have grandiose fantasies about the Gingers of the world rising to power and blocking out the sun in some Simpsons/Mr.Burns sort of way.

I was rewatching old episodes of South Park and I came across one of their episodes entitled "Ginger Kids". The episode involves Cartman on another crusade to marginalize another group of people - the Gingers. Kyle, Stan, and Kenny decide to play a joke on the unsuspecting Cartman. They decide to bleach his skin, draw freckles on, and dye his hair. Cartman, his mom, and even the medical doctors believe he has come down with a case of Gingervitis.Make sure to watch the episode, as well as all the episodes of South park, on Comedy Central. Here is a link to the Ginger Kids episode

It is one of my favorite episodes of South park - second only to the World of Warcraft South park episode. There is something so oddly refreshing about South park. Though sometimes their plots are a bit ridiculous and convoluted, the ability for creators Matt and Trey to boil down complex social and political issues into simple satirical parodies is incredible.

At the core of every South Park episode is the philosophy that everything and everyone can be made fun of. That being the case, we can all take the time to laugh at ourselves and at the ridiculousness of life. People who are offended by South Park are uptight asinine individuals who should probably not be watching South Park to begin with. I feel that is part of my philosophy as an entertainer and performer. Much of my material focuses on making fun of myself - not in a self-depreciating sort of way - and pointing out the humor of life. I learned that speaking truthfully from personal experience seems to go over better with audiences than attempting to provide commentary on a topic that you know very little about. Hence, why I love making fun of Gingers - it's easy, hilarious to do, and some people are still a little terrified of us ;)

So for a while I have been talking about writing a letter to the Environmental Protection Agency, highlighting the plight of the Ginger and inquire into what the government is going to do to protect us. I really hope that they send me a letter in response and perhaps a free t-shirt. I am sending a copy of this letter to the EPA and the World Wildlife Fund. I didn't know where the Ginger problem would more appropriately fall under.  VIVA LA GINGER REVOLUTION!

Dear Environmental Protection Agency,

I am contacting you today to discuss an urgent matter that I would like the EPA to consider and look into – the protection and propagation of the Ginger people. Living as a redhead presents innumerable physically and psychological hurdles to deal with and process on a daily basis.

Scientific research has concluded that redheads do not contain melanin in their skin to protect them from harmful UVA & UVB rays and thus leaving the Ginger populace generally more susceptible to developing fatal melanoma and other forms of skin cancer easier than others. Now if this simply about a few sunburns/blister burns I would be able to deal with that but UVB Rays have the effect of damaging DNA and producing free radical cells that harm DNA and lead to more cancer. There also has been some inquiry into Gingers' pain tolerance, effects of anesthetics, skin easily bruising, and tending to bleed more when injured.

To protect myself against the harmful rays of the sun I must purchase expensive sunblock products & clothing that makes vague promises of protecting me, confine myself to the indoors between the hours of 10:00am to 4:00pm to avoid risk of exposure, and consistently see a dermatologist in order to make sure I do not have cancer. With healthcare in disarray, the protective ozone layer depleting every day, and the economy in dire straits, I would like to know what the Federal government is doing to help citizens who are more susceptible to mother nature. What protections are the government going to issue? Some reports have discussed the possibility of the Ginger population becoming extinct – some estimates as soon as 2060. And although, redheaded-ness is genetic mutation, therefore it is possible for this trait to skip generations and spontaneously pop up somewhere else but those instances will be few and far between.

It is time for decisive action and the Ginger cannot bear the burden alone. It is time for the EPA to step in and address this escalating global crisis and find a suitable solution before the Ginger population becomes extinct.

I appreciate your time and look forward to your response on how to afford protections to Gingers to make sure that the cost to protect oneself does not extend beyond their means.

Sincerely

Miss Ginger Devine

Probably the most significant identity that relates who I am as a person – more so than being a drag queen or being gay – is my identity as a ginger. Gingers have a long and illustrious history dating all the way back to prehistoric times as British doctors have just discovered. Check out the article here.

I also want to take this opportunity to clear up some misconceptions about the ginger populace.

1. I really do fear the sun and try to avoid it as much as possible. More so than being a gamer and generally lazy, gingerism is the reason why I do not venture out-of-doors all that often. I do not know if this makes us distant relatives of vampires but my superhuman strength and speed haven't kicked in so I am doubtful. I do enjoy the cover of night though … however because I am a gamer and generally lazy I still tend to not go out-of-doors even at night. My friends always want me to go to the beach with them and enjoy a day outside. Do you know what a day at the beach entails for me; a preteen novel, my pink IPOD, a sweatshirt, SPF 100, and an umbrella. These are all things I can manage in the confines of my home and not have to worry about skin cancer or burns.

2. If I have to hear one more person tell me that after SPF 30 it scientifically does not do anything more to protect you from the harmful rays of the sun. First of all, SHUT UP! After SPF 30 the protection only increases in small incremental amounts and at this point I will take any help I can get. Secondly, I proudly wear SPF 100 and whether it actually works or it is some stupid placebo effect occurring, I still wear it and will continue to wear it until they upgrade to SPF 120. Thirdly, if you have never suffered the torment of such a severe sunburn that your skin blisters over like some horror movie than you cannot talk.

3. Apparently Gingers are going to be extinct by 2100 – and WON'T YOU MISS US THEN! Red hair is a double recessive gene and therefore is getting overpowered by other hair genes. However scientists would like to assuage our fears by informing us that red hair, known as gingervitis, is a mutation at heart and therefore could pop up randomly. Wow, way to make it seem that we are more abnormal than we actually are. I am beginning a campaign to contact the environmental protection agency and see about getting some protections, or at least a handicap parking sticker. This also means that it is my obligation to propagate the ginger population … which means procreation … which means me and a woman …. not going to happen … but I will donate for the cause.

4. Now probably the most important topic and the one that is most contentious is the debate over whether gingers have souls or not. I have heard arguments from both sides of the issue and based upon my 23 years of life I have come to the following conclusion; gingers probably have no souls. I apologize to gingers that were under the assumption that we do or partners of gingers who are learning for the first time that their girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse has no soul. I like to think that gingers are a practical joke that the universe is playing on us to bring a little bit of laughter to the world. I also think that because God has made a somewhat practical joke out of us he has also imbued with special powers and abilities including the much feared but much desired fire crotch.

So gingers might have it kind of bad but there are some benefits to being a fabulous ginger. First of all, we are the last hair group to grey, our fair skin – because we have to take such good care of it – means that it will be smooth with less wrinkles 50 years from now instead of an intensely scary leather hide shell of a face, and the mysterious rumors surrounding our community shrouds us in a veil of intrigue that people find fascinating.