Yesterday afternoon I was eager to see the anticipated New York Times best seller turned Blockbuster hit “I Am Number Four”. I most recently finished the book and looked forward to see the story come to life on the movie screen. Unfortunately, not only did the movie fail to live up to the legacy left by its inspiration, the movie was slightly painful and awkward to sit through. I had a similar sensation when I went to the opening premiere of “Eragon”. Oddly enough, Eragon also begin as a New York Times best seller young adult fantasy novel and the movie too lacked the magic that drew audiences to the book in the first place. I remember convincing a few of my frat brothers – yes once upon a time I was in a fraternity … well a gay one, but none the less – to go see Eragon with me. Skeptical of talking CGI dragons and a dubious storyline, it took a few bribes, tons of begging, and an act of God to even get them into the theater. What ensued then was two hours of sheer embarrassment; I was embarrassed to be watching the movie and embarrassed that I convinced six other people to witness the devastation with me – six people who still haven’t let me forget about it

The movie was in general disappointing and at times boring. Alex Pettyfer plays John Smith, an orphaned alien on the run with his guardian, from a race of killer aliens. Though gorgeous beyond question, Pettyfer lacked any depth or emotional complexity. He spoke in the same monotone voice throughout the majority of the movie. Dianna Argon plays Sarah, the once cheerleader and former girlfriend to the quarterback, who realized her boyfriend and friends were shallow and decides to turn her focus toward photography and a life out of Paradise, Ohio. She played an exact copy of her GLEE character Quinn and brought nothing new nor original to the character. The best parts of the movie involved John’s adorable magically-transforming beagle and the sassy attitude of Number Six. Alex and Dianna’s on-screen romance was stagnant and inauthentic and audiences found themselves chuckling at the obviously clichéd lines. Perhaps that is why Alex and Dianna broke up in real life, no chemistry – that or they were mortified by each other’s on screen performance.    

So I am about to go on a geeky rant about the pitfalls of the movie. If you intend on seeing the movie and wish to be “surprised” then read no further and good luck, perhaps you will have a different interpretation than I.

In the book one of the first appearances of John’s power is a bright light that shines from his hands. Aptly named “Lumen”, meaning light in Latin, this is a typical first Legacy to inherit. Apparently in movie world a power like that translates into freaking laser beams and the ability to re-charge a fallen comrade. Similarly one of the coolest parts of having this perhaps seemingly uncool power is that it made John resistant to heat and fire, which the directors neglected to include in the movie.

Secondly, the Mogadorians in the book are a creepy and incredibly powerful race of super aliens. They were able to take down an entire planet full of people with super powers. In the book, the authors build tension and emphasize the importance of keeping hidden from the Mogs because they are so hard to kill. The movie makes them out to be a band of easily disposed of storm troopers. An epic moment in the book centers on John’s first encounter battling a Mog – a battle that zaps John of all of his strength and nearly kills him. John and the intrepid Number 6 were able to take down all of the bad guys – of which there were about 8 - in a matter of minutes in some sci-fi Rambo action flick. Umm excuse me, if these awful evil super aliens are so easily defeated … why are you running? Also, if you are a Mog and these children could be the key to your downfall, wouldn’t you send your entire army to ensure their demise, not a skeleton crew of idiots?

I understand that movies cannot entirely capture every element of the book, but seriously. Why, when you basically have a script in hand do you feel the need to alter important plot details such as, oh I don’t know, unnecessarily killing one of the main characters for dramatic effect. Henri, John’s grizzly alien protector, is anti-climatically killed during the end of the movie for no good reason. In the book, Henri was a protector who not only raised and loved John as his own son but trained and helped John hone his new powers so that he might one day be strong enough to battle the Mogs. In the movie, John acquired his powers with little or no problems or side effects, received no training on how to control his powers, and Henri served as the generally creepy man who found photos and videos of John on the internet and deleted them – way to cut out about 65% on the novel.

What is most troubling is that, aside from the Harry Potter series, very few teen fantasy novels have successfully translated from the text to the silver screen.  More often than not, directors rely on a hot blonde male lead and dazzling special effects to confuse audiences into thinking the movie is actually good.  Movie adaptations for critically acclaimed teen fantasy novels “City of Bones” – also starring Alex Pettyfer - and “The Hunger Games” are already in production. I just hope that they are even marginally better than “I Am Number Four” and Hollywood does not continue to butcher and distort these popular and loved books. 

Final recommendation is to wait until I Am Number Four arrives at Redbox and watch it then ... and even then approach with caution. If you are looking for answers to life, comedic relief, or a compelling and engaging story, then watch Dogma and forgo this movie experience. 

This is probably one of the most exciting Super Bowls I have ever witnessed; it definitely helped that I had a team I was cheering for instead of just blindly watching the game with not caring who wins. Often when I am in that situation I choose the team that has the hottest players or the best colors for their jerseys. My Green Bay Packers attained an impressive victory against the Pittsburg Steelers, winning the Super Bowl 31 to 25. For once in my recollection of Super Bowl experiences, the game was far more entertaining and engaging than the lame ass commercials and less than stellar performances during the halftime show.

A quick examination of the Super Bowl – Lea Michele gave an incredible rendition of “America the Beautiful” which made me question why they then brought Christina Aguilera to sing the National Anthem. As gaytastic as Burlesque was, I still think that you should have gotten Lea Michele to sing the National Anthem – at least that way there is a chance that the rest of the GLEE cast will pop up out of nowhere and perform it with her. Now I wouldn’t have wanted to follow Lea – perhaps that is what contributed to the devastation that ensued. Christina got up there and started working it and I began to sing along with the overtly blonde diva. Close to halfway through the song I noticed that Christina and I were singing different lyrics. Confused – for at this point I had only two beers – I stopped singing and waited to hear where she was in the song. Uncertain at the time of whether she actually screwed up or if I was hearing things – it was confirmed this morning the pop star got caught up in the moment and fudged the lyrics. No honey, I love you, but you forgot the lyrics, and screwed up. Have we learned nothing from the slue of pop cultural icons that have braved to sing the National Anthem only to have their performance fall flat, literally and metaphorically? Without question the best performance of the National Anthem to date is the once great Miss Whitney Houston.

The Packers started off the first half with an impressive domination led by my future husband of life Jordy Nelson. At this point, I began to fantasize what it would be like to be a football wife. The newest addition to the reality show, I imagine myself wearing some large Derby hat and Jackie O suit, schmoozing with the other VIPS, and trying to sneak whoopee cushions on President Bush’s chair. Now, the other joy and thrill of watching the Super Bowl is watching all of the commercials that people will invariably be talking about more than the game the next day. However this year the commercials generally sucked beyond the telling of it. Dominated by a few key sponsors – Bud Light and Pepsi Max – the commercials were not funny at all. Honestly my favorite commercials were the ones that Eminem did and then the car commercial with the little Darth Vadar kid. Disappointed by the lack of ingenuity of the commercials, I anxiously waited for the halftime show – another make or break point for any artist. Featuring the Black Eyed Peas as the act for the show, I assumed the half time show would be absolutely stellar. I left the performance – a compilation of their greatest hits, featuring Slash and Usher – less than impressed and uttering a general “meh” at the end of it. The two most exciting things about the performance were Fergie’s bedazzled shoulder pads – to draw attention away from her voice - and Usher jumping into the splits – to draw attention from the fact that his mic wasn’t on. One technical catastrophe after another made the performance awkward and non-watchable at times.

As we entered the second half it seemed as though the Packers were loosing steam and perhaps unraveling a bit. The Steelers certainly capitalized on the Packers’ injuries and attempted a large comeback. Flashbacks of the Rose Bowl were flooding back to me and I got concerned that we would lose again – and all that trash-talking I did would come back to bite me in the ass. Thankfully that did not happen and my Packers held out and were able to squash the Steeler’s comeback and secure the victory.

After a rather fantastic game, life only got better with the return of GLEE. Featuring incredible musical numbers and a plot line that was both believable and endearing, I am truly pumped for the rest of this season. What was hilarious is that the GLEE episode centered on a championship football game and my roommate and I got way into it cheering and swearing at the screen. Realizing that it was not an actual game and was pre-scripted, we chided ourselves for getting so into it. I gorged myself to excess and am now regretting it today. All in all, it was a pretty amazing night.

Most of the time I am not sure when the Super bowl is, let alone have an intense desire to watch the Super bowl. However this year is different. My team, the Green Bay Packers, is headed to the Super bowl and is going to decimate the field with the Pittsburg Steelers. Now by my team, I mean I haven’t watched a single game all season, but I went to college in Wisconsin and therefore have a lifelong loyalty to the cheese heads.  Aside from cheering my team on to victory, I am looking forward to beefy refrigerator like men in uniform smashing into each other for four hours, entertained by hilarious commercials, and ultimately I’m looking forward to have a justifiable reason to overindulge myself on fried fatty foods. I spent time last night devising an ideal menu for game day. Of course, paying homage to our Wisconsin roots, we are breaking out the grill and serving up some good ole fashioned brats. I also thought I would break out one of my killer appetizers - mainly because one bite will clog your arteries- my spinach artichoke dip. The last part of the menu came to me during a feverish hunger dream where I fantasized about a mound - dare I say pyramid - of chicken nuggets surrounded by 12 different flavorful dipping sauces to appeal to all tastes.    

Of course, what I am looking forward to most is the return of GLEE. The popular FOX show, which is in the midst of their second season, has been on hiatus for the past two months. They triumphantly return this evening with a "super bowl" special episode entitled "The Sue Sylvester Shuffle". As usual, Sue Sylvester is constantly trying to up the ante on her Cheerios routines. She incorporates purple wigs into the show - perfect for a Katy Perry number no? - guys on motorcycles, and hula hoops. None of these added elements impress Sue, so she gets the idea to shoot Britney out of a cannon. Katie Couric is scheduled to make a guest appearance to interview the Cheerios coach. Some of the numbers planned for this episode include a massive "Thriller" dance on the football field, Destinys Child's "Bills Bills Bills" performed by the Warblers and fabulously hot Darren Criss, and Lady Antebellum's "Need You Now". I am excited for the return of GLEE and how they intend to wrap up this latest season. Will Kurt stay with the Warblers or will he switch sides once again to lead New Directions to victory? Will Kurt get with the adorable Blaine or the hunky testosterone spewing closeted bully Dave? Will John Stamos ever return for another episode? I have appreciated the plot direction that writers have taken. However I noticed that though the plot lacked consistency and authenticity in the first season, the musical numbers rocked. In this second season, the plot has captivated me far more then many of the musical numbers. In the past few episodes the musical numbers have been few and far between and often have nothing to do with an overall theme. Ultimately I enter the rest of the season with an open mind; I just hope they don't actually follow through on the Justin Bieber themed episode of GLEE. 

Karaoke exists in a world of its own.  The thrill of flipping through massive song books to determine which love ballad or breakaway pop hit you are going to dazzle the audience with next. The anticipation of waiting to see if your song is called next and the utter disappointment when you realize that the person next to you was called up to sing their rendition of a Dolly Parton hit.

Gay Karaoke – as it is with most things gay – is a subculture within that world; one that has its own language and decorum.  Here are some of the things that one will find if you attend gay karaoke. 

Without fail, at some portion of the night, a gaggle of lesbians will invariably go up and perform the same cycle of three songs; “Am I the Only One” by Melissa Etheridge, “You Oughta Know” by Alanis Morissette, and  “Piece of my Heart” by Janis Joplin. Basically anything that has an angry hard rock edge best performed with a raspy smoker’s voice.

Similarly, a flock of gays will also seek to dominate the Karaoke playlist by putting in their own set of requests. These often include a wide assortment of classic iconic divas – Cher, Bette, Whitney -, a medley of Lady Gaga songs for good measure, and a sprinkling of campy, light-hearted Broadway musicals. In other words, we effortlessly fulfill the cultural stereotypes of our people. Also, with the popular success of the show GLEE, queens (including myself) are taking center stage as if they were Lea Michele – unfortunately most of us are not.

In my personal opinion, the best place for Gay Karaoke in Reno is the Patio Bar located on 5^thstreet across from Beto’s. The warm and inviting atmosphere is the perfect place for you and your group of friends – regardless of your sexual orientation. On top of that, Riley – one of the best Karaoke DJs in town – blows patrons away with her cool, seductive Spanish songs or beautiful love ballads. Perhaps when I go back to get my Masters I will major in queer studies and focus on the underground world of Gay Karaoke and get paid to traverse to Gay Karaoke establishments throughout the country – I wouldn’t hate it ;)

I just saw this post on the HELP GET CAROL BURNETT TO HOST SNL fanpage on facebook. Apparently Burnett stated in an interview that she would not want to host SNL. Instead the entertaining legend said she would prefer to make an appearance on GLEE or 30 Rock. Maybe Betty was a one time only deal. Or maybe people now realize that they can make a facebook campaign for any star to make an appearance in any television show ... not just SNL. Here is a link to the full article

What started out as a brilliant marketing strategy may have turned into a new tactic for audience members to make demands on their television shows. A facebook campaign that gathered hundreds of thousands of people to voice their support for Betty White, applied some consumer pressure on Saturday Night Live and landed her a hosting spot on the show.

Now I have a feeling that Lorne Michaels watched in titilating expectation as he saw the number of fans on the campaign go up each day. Knowing that if he held out long enough he would have a million fans who would all watch the episode with the feeling that they themselves affected the show and had an impact on its direction. The show - which had been battling poor ratings for a while - saw a huge surge in ratings and the shows was one of the funniest in a long time.

After the epic episode of Saturday Night Live, facebook campaigns have popped up all over vying to get their own role model/icon on their favorite television show. My friend Amanda has recently started up a campaign to get Betty White to have a guest spot on GLEE as Kirk's grandmother potentially. I have also seen a campaign to get Carol Burnett to host Saturday Night Live. I would actually die if Carol Burnett had the opportunity to host. Her comedic wit and timing is unparallel and she would bring an entirely different feel and element to the show. Similarly, she is a Ginger and therefore according to Ginger law, I obligated to support her and use all of my earthly and heavenly powers to ensure that this happens.

I started doing some research and was amazed to find that many A-List celebrities have yet to make hosting appearances on Saturday Night Live or have not reappeared in years. Blog entries and newspaper articles are commenting on who might be potentially lined up next to host the show. For the moment it is a mute point because the season finale is this Saturday with Alec Baldwin hosting. So I have compiled my own list of celebrities that I would get all sorts of verklempt over hosting Saturday Night Live.

Bette Midler - Keeping within the family, I would totally die if Bette Midler hosted SNL. She hosted back in 1979 and has not been back since. Her brass loud demenor and musical comedy background could be an incredible addition to the show. Bette has so many characters and voices that they could write some really great sketches.

Meryl Streep - I was shocked that Meryl has never hosted Saturday Night Live before. She is one of the most acclaimed actresses of the past two centuries and has a comedic wit and timing that is beautiful. I mean ... for fuck's sake ... it's Meryl Streep, everyone in the known universe would tune in to watch Meryl Streep. Between her movie roles in Devil Wear Prada, Julie & Julia, Adaptation, and She-Devil and her classic operatic background, she would be a great host.

Jane Lynch - I feel that Jane Lynch is the funniest personality in TV and movies today. Her delivery and sharp timing is unmatched and her ability to improv lines off the top of her head only strengthens her already strong comedic presence. Her role in GLEE has made her a household name and personality. She could be a guest host on Weekend Update and they could even do a GLEE spoof and who wouldn't love to see that.

It will be interesting to see how much weight these facebook campaigns hold in determining the lineup for Saturday Night Live and other shows. If they do not give in, will that deter ratings? Or if they do give in, will that increase the power that consumers have? Is that necessarily a bad thing? Satisfying your audience and giving them what they want is essential for the success of the show.

       Hmmmmm Not quite sure what was going on at this party but I am sad that my invitation was lost in the mail. Again not making any assumptions about his personal life, but he would make a great addition to the home team & and look how comfortably and naturally he fits in ;) Although I think if I actively tried to convert Matthew Morrison my straight girlfriends would probably hit me down and beat my ass with a bedazzled wand and destroy all my tiaras.

Here on the left, he is in a production of Million Miles - a new off-Broadway show. He looks a little bit like Gyllenhaal - right around the Jarhead period. He just looks so manly and rugged in these photos and the pickup truck that he is standing on - and invariably singing on as well - completes the whole picture.

Then on our right we have the sensitive and thought-provoking shot of him. Look at him dreamily staring at the camera, hmmmm to quote the immortal Blanche Deveroux "I'm jumpier than a virgin at a prison rodeo!!"

GLEE came into my life an a very important juncture in my life. The High School Musical trilogy had come to a close and I was desperately seeking upbeat breakaway pop hits and flashy musical numbers … and then GLEE entered the picture. It was safe to say that all my friends and I were addicted from the second the show begin. Of course, the defining moment for us was the final number – Journey's Don't Stop Believing. The rendition brought tears to my eyes and promptly my roommate and I rewinded the episode on our DVR 15 times or so to watch the epically moving and awe-inspiring performance. From then on the show has read my mind and has transformed some of my favorite jams into show stopping numbers leaving me all sorts of verklempt. Everything from “No Air”, “Somebody to Love”, “Endless Love”, “Don't Rain on my Parade”, and of course “Defying Gravity”.

Ecstatic, would be an understatement, for how I felt about the premiere of GLEE. Too long I had gone without new GLEE numbers to add my itunes. In some ways it's scary how much the producers of GLEE are specifically tailoring the song choices in the show to fit MY needs. I swear it's some weird mind connection bullshit, where they see the most played songs in my itunes library and then redoing them in a more perfect way. For example, this week's episode had Mercedes and an entire cheerleading squad belting Christina Aguilera's “Beautiful” - I nearly fainted from the flood of emotions.

I was doing some research online to find out the songs that were featured in this week's episode of GLEE entitled “Home”. Guest starring Kristen Chenowith, the show featured a beautiful perform of Kurt singing “A House is Not a Home” and a duet between Chenowith and Morrison to “One Last Bell to Answer”. As I was doing research online I came across news that the release of the 3^rd album the GLEE enterprise is set to unveil in mid-May. the CD is entitled “SHOWSTOPPERS”. I immediately had the gay gasp and frantically began perusing the songs they have coming up for the rest of the show. Here is the lineup:

1) Hello, Goodbye
2) Gives You Hell
3) Hello
4) A House Is Not A Home
5) One Less Bell To Answer / A House Is Not A Home
6) Beautiful
7) Home
8) Physical
9) Total Eclipse of the Heart
10) Lady Is A Tramp
11) One
12) Rose’s Turn
13) Dream On
14) Safety Dance
15) I Dreamed a Dream
16) Loser
17) Give Up the Funk
18) Beth
19) Poker Face
20) Bad Romance

My gay little brain was not physically, spiritually, nor emotionally prepared to review this disc's set list. I saw that the one and only miss Idina Menzel is singing “I Dreamed a Dream” from Les Mis as well as Poker Face, Jonathon Groff is redoing Bonnie Tyler's “Total Eclipse of the Heart”, and Neil Patrick Harris performing “Dream On”. Just when I thought that GLEE could not become any gayer, fabulous, or generally uplifting they freakin break out Bonnie Tyler, Olivia Newton John, and Lady Gaga – these producers are not playing around.

If this alone did not fulfill my humble but sometimes ridiculous gay dreams, this certainly will. As I was having an epic day of GLEE research I came across photos of Matthew Morrison that not only fulfilled my gay dreams but created a few new ones of their own. However, I swear all I want to do with Matthew Morrison is get married – where all the GLEE cast members would be invited and as a present for us would perform an entire concert that had no less than three duets between Matt and myself – , oh and he will be married in this outfit ---------------------------------->

I just be saying and shit. Similarly, we would try to have four children that would have a long and illustrious career in Broadway and musical theatre. Matthew would of course wear the same outfit to that as he did at our wedding ;) Whether or not Matthew Morrison is gay or not is of little concern – hasn't stopped me in the past – and even though he says things like he has a girlfriend and likes vagina I am willing to hold out. I waited years for Ricky Martin and I could wait even longer for Matthew. Otherwise I will have to vicariously live my life through GLEE. However from now on, I am going to rewatch every episode imagining Matthew Morrison in his little yellow and orange booty shorts. I feel that this change will enhance the overall character and provide more depth to his arc …. or something like that.



Overall, today has been an amazing day. Feeling has finally returned to all portions of my feet. I no longer have to wear my University of Wisconsin Badger Crocs all the time. I performed last night with THE UTILITY PLAYERS as they hosted the 2nd Annual 420 Holidaze Show - the show was hilarious and a good my to end my 420 ;) . I also downloaded the entire "POWER OF MADONNA" from the most recent episode of GLEE. Although I had my uncertainty about the second half of GLEE with the opening episode, all of my faith within GLEE has been restored. Sue Slyvester's rendition of "Vogue" will go down in television infamy. Last, but certainly not the least, I was on the Reno Metromix's website and I saw that David Hegle had posted online photos that he had taken from the show. So there I was enjoying my morning coffee, belting along side Lea Michele to "Like a Prayer", as I flipped through show photos ... no better way to begin the day. 

All of the girls look spectacular and David even got a shot of me undressing my corset and flashing the audience ... I about died, God bless you David. My impromptu corset purchase at Chocolate Walrus gleamed beautifully under the lights & worked out perfectly - which will unfortunately encourage future last minute purchases.  Make sure to check out all of the photos in my PICTURE GALLERY from the show. Thank you to everyone who came out to support. At the moment we are trying to figure out our schedule for the summer. We are probably going to have some shows late June/July and then we have our drag show currently set for August 14th at the Cal Neva. Once I get confirmations I will let everybody know

So one of my favorite TV shows of life - GLEE - is only a few weeks away from the big April premiere. The show, which left out with the team winning regionals, I assume is going to follow everyone's favorite show choir as the race toward Nationals. There are some huge surprises and guest appearances planned including the one, the only, Miss Idina Menzel. A friend just posted this video to their facebook page and I nearly peed my pants it is so funny. It is easy to forget sometimes that this show is on FOX, with their engaging story lines that address a number of issues - but done in a witty comedic sort of fashion.

The video posted below is a clip of "Sue's Corner". Delivered by the hilarious Jane Lynch, this segment has Sue talking about the danger of and her frustration with the "sneaky gays"