My very own Wikipedia page on general health and wellness, Granolafer, begins her intrepid day with a smoothie concoction that she brews herself at home. I have always been a little curious about the smoothies; Granolafer throws out all of these amazing buzz words such as "super food" and "greens" when describing them.  So today, Granolafer brought in a small mason jar filled with her vegan organic potion for me to try. I was excited to potentially embark on a new exciting path to general wellness and health.

Then I tried it ...

Perhaps I have misconception about what a smoothie is and how it should it taste - also notice the brown/purplish coloring with a texture equivalent to sludge. Most of my experiences stem from the awesomeness that is Jamba Juice with their catchy names and dubious health boosts. From the first gulp I tasted every natural ingredient in the mixture. Have you ever wondered what organic tastes like? It tastes like dirt and cellulose. I then asked Granolafer to describe the ingredients found in the smoothie and this is what I got:

Raw sunflower milk, romaine, kale, paleo greens (raw dried greens), mixed berries, chia seeds (YES AS IN THE PET), cacao beans, and protein mix (rice protein)

It's a little different from the Razzle Dazzle I am use to. However, I am adventurous and finished the whole thing. Then my body started to freak out. I don't believe my body is use to so many organic things hitting it at one time. I, of course, promptly rectified the situation by ordering a beach club, chips, and a large Diet Coke from Jimmy Johns. I can't help it, I'm a creature of habit. I need to slowly ease my body into this new healthy organic existence so I don't scare, overwhelm or kill it.

I am not a healthy person. Though my mother was a brilliant personal trainer who specialized in holistic and homeopathetic remedies before it became a popular fad, her teachings have left little or no imprints on me. I am slightly in awe – as well as a little terrified – by the individuals who are gluten-free, or track their glycemic index, or are vegan. They always say that your body is a temple; if that is the case then I bow down and worship the infamous god of the Chicken Nugget and the goddess of libation Diet Coke. Ever since the New Year – not part of some resolution mind you – I have attempted to make slight changes to my diet and exercise routine from eating whatever I want and not exercising to well … not that. However, working a full time job and trying to become a famous entertainer on the side often does not leave time to shop, make healthy foods, and/or exercise. There is always the lazy-I-don’t-want-to factor but I am trying to work on that.

There is so much information, misinformation, half-truths, and falsities out there that sometimes it is overwhelming for a lay person such as myself to ascertain what will actually benefit your body or not. I started lifting weights, taking a multivitamin, drinking tea instead of coffee, and drinking more water in general but I realized that no matter what good these slight changes did do, they were outweighed by the vices that I still have.

One day at my job after lunch I was talking with a co-worker and I mentioned that I needed to go take my Centrum One-A-Day multivitamin. This co-worker – a yoga instructor and general health enthusiast – dutifully informed that most multivitamins are manufactured and do not break down in your body and therefore is generally pointless to take. Let’s just say I was a little irate by the discovery. I believe I started screaming up and down the office “SERIOUSLY, SERIOUSLY, this is like the one healthy thing I do for my body and you’re telling me it’s pointless”. It was at that moment that I had a revelation. I was a young padawan and this co-worker – who I know refer to as Granolafer – would be my food yoda. She agreed to help mentor me in the ways of the health food. I was overjoyed by this new relationship in my life. However I did tell Granolafer that I wanted practical, baby steps that I could take on the road to mild-healthiness (she tried to tell me what was in a Chicken Nugget and I told her to not go there … at least not yet).

We decided to take a quick trip to our local coop – the Great Basin Coop on Plumas – to grab some natural healthy items that I could incorporate into my meals.  I am always leery about stepping into such places – as if they can smell the processed foods and aspartame seeping through my pores and know that I am not a true food fanatic. Granolafer took me on a tour of the coop, pointing out various exotic foods, herbal supplements, and the like. I informed her that I was not going to eat anything I couldn’t spell. She then asked me to spell Phenylalanine – an ingredient in Diet Coke – I muttered a touché and we got back to shopping. Two easy things that Granolafer said I could incorporate into my diet are quinoa and unrefined coconut oil.

Granolafer informed me that quinoa is one of the most nutritious foods on the planet. Packed withprotein and loaded with fiber, quinoa is a complete protein – containing all of the essential amino acids you body needs – whereas most of the proteins out there are incomplete and need to be coupled with other foods in order to achieve the “complete” protein status. According to the wise Granolafer, quinoa has twice the protein of regular grains, fewer carbs, and contains health fats. Easy to make – first rinse with water then boil it in a pot of water for about twenty minutes – it serves as a fantastic side dish to any meal you make. It actually tasted pretty good – I was extremely surprised thinking that it was going to taste like cardboard.

Next we moved on to coconut oil. I am big proponent of olive oil – having been told that olive oil is a good fat and good for you to have. Granolafer informed me that there are better options – better oils – to cook with that do more for your body. Coconut oil supports healthy metabolism – always a plus – and is currently being studied for its anti-fungal, anti-viral, and anti-bacterial properties. It also contains a lovely little fat known as Omega-6, which Americans do not often get enough of. Best part of coconut oil is the wide variety of uses for the oil; you can cook with it, use it as a lotion for dry skin, and even as a lube – just not with latex condoms!

So Granolafer and I have decided to start this weekly blog segment called “Table Talk” and I am so excited for this. In some respects I am very much your average American – wanting to be healthier but not really having the time, money, or information to do so. I need practical steps toward living a healthier life not rigid, idealistic diets that require me eating things that sound god-awful (like tofu pepperoni …. just don’t do it). Who knows, maybe this time next year I will be a raw food vegan … yeah right … I sincerely doubt it … but we’ll see.