My roommate asked if I would venture with her to the mall and help her pick out a fabulous pair of prescription sunglasses. As a birthday/Christmas present from her mom she had a $500 voucher and there is nothing I can do better than spend other peoples' money. 

When we arrived at Lenscrafter's I was underwhelmed by the selection. It seemed as though we were going to resign ourselves to some Ray Ban aviator sunglasses. Then, when we had given up all hope, I saw something sparkle and shimmer from across the store. Out of my periphery, I noticed the section devoted to designer sunglasses and instantly I gravitated toward a pair of Tiffany sunglasses. As we were checking out - which was an awkward and tiresome experience - my roommate debated about whether she should opt out of the $30.00 flat rate insurance, guaranteeing protection for her Tiffany glasses in the event of dents, scratches, or breaks. As she was weighing the pros and cons, I simply gave my roommate a look and said "they're Tiffany sunglasses .... get the insurance". The issue was moot at that point. 

I then started to think about all of the things that people have insured in their lives; glasses, cars, pets, laptops, cell phones, etc. Yet so many of us go without health insurance. We worry about what might potentially happen to our iPhone, especially after the sales rep goes through the gambit of possibilities, and get talked into paying the extra fees. Yet, if someone told us that we could potentially lose our teeth, suffer a heart ache or contract some form of cancer, we believe that we do not need it - of course nothing bad will ever happen to us, but I know I am going to drop my iPhone into the toilet and need that water damage protection.

It's a little ridiculous. However don't eve get me started on the people that insure different parts of their body ... except for porn stars ... that's acceptable. 

The title is pretty indicative of my feelings toward iphones, smart phones, and android phones. Now I have many friends with the aforementioned devices and I hope they find this post funny but perhaps might make my friends check themselves before showing off the latest asinine application you're choosing to occupy your time with.

Now perhaps your thinking me to be a jealous and a bitter queen who is insecure about the "smartness" of her phone. You might be correct - most of my phones were the $99 with a $100 mail-in-rebate phones where speaker phone was the coolest function. However my issues have less to do with the phone itself and more to do with the annoying behavior owners of these contraptions embody.

First of all. By and large I am just not interested. I swear every two minutes, one of my friends will whip out their phone and gush "omg come over here, I have to show you this really cool app I just downloaded"

.... no i don't

It's like the relative that invites everyone over to go through the 800 slides of their vacation to Graceland. I don't want to do it but recognize that if I don't i am never going hear the end of it.

But for real real do you think that I really care that you can download an app that simulates the sounds of guns firing, or the app that intermittently makes fart noises. Sweet! It's like every annoying childhood toy smashed into one portable device. Now if you find an app that will fetch me a diet coke when I want then I might pay attention.