Oddly enough I am not one of those individuals that is suffering from Bieber Fever – the latest infectious disease to hit the country. In a few days, Justin drops by Reno Nevada for a one night only concert and the pre-teen girls of the city are all atwitter. I don’t really get it. Perhaps it is a sign of my growing maturity and the evolution of my tastes, but five years ago I probably would have been one of the biggest Justin Bieber fans …. Who are we kidding …. Probably a year ago I would have been one of his biggest fans. Now, I cannot even tell you a name of one his songs. All I know he is creating a generation of teen boys that look like lesbians with his dykey quaffed hair. In the past I use to walk down the street and mistake 30 year old lesbians as twelve year old boys … now I am mistaking twelve year old boys as lesbians … it’s a very strange world we find ourselves in.

I had a really awful yet deliciously satisfying thought the other day. I had this notion/fantasy that I while Justin Bieber was sleeping I would crouching tiger, hidden drag queen my way past his guards and into his hotel room. Then I would maliciously shave all of his hair off … and maybe if I felt inspired I would give him a Mohawk. I would love to see what would happen with Bieber Fever after that point. I have a feeling that he would loose all of his powers. Then of course … I would sell it on Ebay for an exorbitant amount of money … to some pre-teen girl for sentimental reasons … or to a drag king to fashion themselves a wig/mustache out of it.