I cannot take credit for coming up with this. My sister and her girlfriend shared this with me a few weeks ago. while we were watching the Wizard of Oz. They related that if I wanted to hear something funny I should take the first interaction Dorothy has with Glinda and everytime one of them says the word witch I should replace it with lesbian. This is what that conversation would look like:

Glinda: Are you a good lesbian or a bad lesbian?

Dorothy: Who me? I'm not a lesbian at all. I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas

Glinda: Oh Well. Is that the lesbian?

Dorothy: Who, Toto? Toto's my dog

Glinda: Oh well, I am a little muttled. The munchkins called me because a new lesbian has just dropped a house on the Wicked Lesbian of the East. And there's the house and here you are and that's all that's left of the Wicked Lesbian of the East. And so what the Munchkins want to know is; are you a good lesbian or a bad lesbian

Dorothy: But I have already told you, I'm not a lesbian at all. Lesbians are old and ugly

Laughter from the Munchkins

Dorothy: What was that?

Glinda: The Munchkins. They are laughing because I am a lesbian. I'm Glinda the Lesbian of the North.

I guess in actually you could take almost any word and put it in there and it would probably be funny. I just love the "lesbians are old and ugly" line - no offense to all of my lovely and beautiful lesbians out there, I love you dearly.

Oddly enough I am not one of those individuals that is suffering from Bieber Fever – the latest infectious disease to hit the country. In a few days, Justin drops by Reno Nevada for a one night only concert and the pre-teen girls of the city are all atwitter. I don’t really get it. Perhaps it is a sign of my growing maturity and the evolution of my tastes, but five years ago I probably would have been one of the biggest Justin Bieber fans …. Who are we kidding …. Probably a year ago I would have been one of his biggest fans. Now, I cannot even tell you a name of one his songs. All I know he is creating a generation of teen boys that look like lesbians with his dykey quaffed hair. In the past I use to walk down the street and mistake 30 year old lesbians as twelve year old boys … now I am mistaking twelve year old boys as lesbians … it’s a very strange world we find ourselves in.

I had a really awful yet deliciously satisfying thought the other day. I had this notion/fantasy that I while Justin Bieber was sleeping I would crouching tiger, hidden drag queen my way past his guards and into his hotel room. Then I would maliciously shave all of his hair off … and maybe if I felt inspired I would give him a Mohawk. I would love to see what would happen with Bieber Fever after that point. I have a feeling that he would loose all of his powers. Then of course … I would sell it on Ebay for an exorbitant amount of money … to some pre-teen girl for sentimental reasons … or to a drag king to fashion themselves a wig/mustache out of it.