Today I learned that Roseanne might be one of the greatest television series in history. The minute details that the writers, directors, costumers put into conveying the life of lower-middle class family in Landford, Illinois is astounding. Nowadays, your average sitcom might have their disgruntled bouts with one another, but only for comedic effect. Most of the time, these families are middle class/upper middle class families with two working parents - though you hardly see them actually working - navigating the sometimes trite mundaity of their life.

Today I learned that life truly is a miracle. In 9-month gestational period for humans, a million and one things need to align perfectly for a healthy baby to be brought into this world. During that time, any number of mutations, accidents, mishaps, or whatever could occur, terminating the pregnancy or irrevocably changing the life of that child - and their family - forever. I learned that some parents are willing to face that uncertainty while others are not.

Today I learned that if you want help you need to ask for it. Expecting people to come to your aid because you assume that they should or because if you were in their shoes you would offer to help, will only lead to disappointment and resentment. If you don't express what is on your mind to friends, co-workers, partners than you cannot possibly be mad. You take their ignorance as inconsiderateness. Today I also learned that sharing your true feelings with those around can be a liberating fulfilling experience, if those individuals are open to hearing it. Whether or not they are or aren't shouldn't stop you, though, for why should you live your life in state of perpetual terror.  

Today I learned that it is really not ok to listen to Miley Cyrus.

Today I learned that our system of law is racked with flaws. We pass laws to resign certain members of our citizenry to a second-class like status. Federal laws that are passed to help the individual are largely not enforced, dependent upon the state to define ambiguous language and incumbent upon them to enforce said federal regulations, and more often than not are blithely unaware that a law has passed and their state is not in compliance with new statutes. Of course, no one is necessarily penalized for the lack of follow through ... well except those individuals that might benefit from the new law or regulation.  

Today I learned that any meal can be made better with the addition of avocado.

Today I learned that people from Texas are different from the rest of the denizens of the US. Warranted or unwarranted, I think sometimes we - and our state - is better than everyone else. Being from Texas is like gaining instant entry into an exclusive club; a club that probably still wishes to secede from the US.

Today I learned that there are numerous children in the United States that lack basic necessities of life; food, water, love, shelter, safety. Years ago I learned that children are our future; today I learned that for many children in our country that future is bleak and hopeless. Today I learned that there are loving and capable parents, whose requests for adoption are denied, just because of their identity. I also learned that there are heroes everywhere that are trying to make the lives of children and families better and attempting to end this appalling reality for children in America.

Today I learned that, though Disney has an impressive lexicon of animated movies to their credit, I will always rank the trifecta of Disney classics - Little Mermaid, Lion King, and Aladin - above all other Disney movies.

Today I learned that the best way to start my morning is with McDonald's breakfast - 2 sausage biscuits and 2 hash browns Large Diet Coke. If McDonalds is not available than a Venti White Chocolate Mocha with an extra shot from Starbucks will do just fine.

The Utility Players are starting a new bi-weekly publication called "The Daily Gossip" - an Onion inspired creation - with the Utility Players offering their unique and comedic spin on today's news topics. Much like the Onion, all the articles are fictitious - mostly - and all names are made up - except for the celebrities we make fun of.  I was asked to contribute an article, and while it is my first foray into journalism, I had a lot of fun writing the article and excited for the next issue. Let me know what you'll think.

The Daily Gossip: Vol. 1

Hollywood, CA: The preteen world was shocked when doctors revealed that pop-singing -sensation-wannabe-

cross-over-actress, Miley Cyrus, has multiple personality disorder. Cyrus was admitted to the Hollywood Mental Health Center late Saturday afternoon. According to sources, the Disney icon was enjoying lunch at the London by herself when things started to get out of hand.

Dorothy Camera, who was outside the London walking her Labradoodle at the time of the incident, noticed Cyrus exiting the restaurant in a rush yelling loudly to herself. “At first I thought she was on one of those blue tooth devices that are so popular these days,” Camera related. "However, she then started slapping herself and screaming ‘I’m the best of both worlds. No I’m the best of both worlds’." Apparently, Gordon Ramsey attempted to intervene to subdue the amateur diva, but regretted that decision when he received a Fendi purse to the eye.

Dr. Herbert Wiffen was the doctor on call when Cyrus came into the Center. “It was difficult checking her into the Center; first she said her name was Destiny, then Miley, then Hannah, and then Miley.” Doctor Wiffen, who is no stranger to the child star gone astray, has treated such personalities as Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen, as well as Raven Simone. When asked how this all happened, Doctor Wiffen had this to say on the matter: “I believe the stress of debating whether or not she should reveal her hidden identity over the years finally took it’s toll on her. I’m going to do every thing I can, but the diagnosis does not look good."

When father and fellow actor Billy Ray Cyrus was asked his thought on the tragic news he exclaimed, “I call dibbs on Miley’s Room!” Concerned parents and screaming fans are directing their blame for the incidence at the Disney Corporation. Disney denies that it is responsible, citing that Cyrus signed a contract absolving Disney from all legal blame should Cyrus suffer from paranoia, tone deafness, and/or multiple personality disorder.

Much uncertainly surrounds the future of this once rising pop star. However, I think Cyrus had it right when she said, “But you can’t wait, to see me again.