They decorate onesies with inspirational Lady Gaga lyrics ;)

This past weekend a good friend of mine hosted a baby show in honor of an adorable – I’m assuming – baby boy named Benjamin. I have never attended a baby shower in my life and, though I am practically a woman, I just assumed that this would be one of those strange and mystical rituals that I would never take part in. I didn’t really know what to expect; I assumed we would eat food, play an assortment of “baby-related” games and ultimately watch the mother-to-be tear through a slue of exquisitely wrapped presents.

I walked into my friend’s home and every single head turned, the same confused look sprawled across their faces. I think it took people a little while to re-shift their paradigm for this party, to see a male in, what is typically known as, an all-female space. With shifting definitions of family and what that looks like, it is not uncommon that we overhauling many of our “family-centered rituals” and modifying them to be more current. Besides, if I am going to be little Benjamin’s fairy auntie than, I better get a damn invite to the party ;) There were moments though where I felt a bit out of place; however we did learn that I KICK ASS at baby shower games. Here is a little bit of my inner monologue from the party.

“hmm I don’t have a vagina, or a husband, or children …. Well now that we have exhausted all possible conversation topics, let’s grab some more cupcakes!”

 Of course, it didn’t help that when it came time to decorate the onesies for baby Benjamin, I decided to take a less-than-traditional direction for decorating mine. While many patrons of the party decided to embroider their onesies with adorable messages of cuteness like “My Mom is My Bestie”, I decided to impart to Benjamin practical advice that will help mold and guide him as he goes through life.  I decided to write lyrics from Lady Gaga’s most recent hit “Born this Way” and drew “Don’t Be a Drag Just be a Queen” on his onesies. A few of the guests were a little confused. A told my friend that she just had to take one photo of Benjamin in the onesies and then she could conveniently “lose” it.

Ultimately I learned much from the experience; the inner world of mothers and child-rearing. I didn’t realize that you need so much crap in order to properly raise a child. I thought you simply needed tings like bottles, blankets, and love in order to raise a child. Apparently you need such devices as a Pack-N-Play and rubber duckies that turn a different color if the water is too hot along with an assortment of other gadgets and trinkets. Also, apparently there is a slue of lotions and creams necessarily to successfully navigate a pregnancy/infant, including Butt Paste and Nipple Crème. Frankly, it sounded all too overwhelming – kind of like a houseplant at times seems overwhelming to me. Maybe I’ll try to keep the houseplant alive and gradually upgrade from there.