The title is pretty indicative of my feelings toward iphones, smart phones, and android phones. Now I have many friends with the aforementioned devices and I hope they find this post funny but perhaps might make my friends check themselves before showing off the latest asinine application you're choosing to occupy your time with.

Now perhaps your thinking me to be a jealous and a bitter queen who is insecure about the "smartness" of her phone. You might be correct - most of my phones were the $99 with a $100 mail-in-rebate phones where speaker phone was the coolest function. However my issues have less to do with the phone itself and more to do with the annoying behavior owners of these contraptions embody.

First of all. By and large I am just not interested. I swear every two minutes, one of my friends will whip out their phone and gush "omg come over here, I have to show you this really cool app I just downloaded"

.... no i don't

It's like the relative that invites everyone over to go through the 800 slides of their vacation to Graceland. I don't want to do it but recognize that if I don't i am never going hear the end of it.

But for real real do you think that I really care that you can download an app that simulates the sounds of guns firing, or the app that intermittently makes fart noises. Sweet! It's like every annoying childhood toy smashed into one portable device. Now if you find an app that will fetch me a diet coke when I want then I might pay attention.