So today marks the pinnacle of Irish culture and celebration with St. Patrick’s Day. Very little of what we do today has any relevancy to the original holiday – similar to many of our pseudo-Christian, Americanized celebrations including Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, etc. According to the story, St. Patrick was captured by Irish raiders and held captive. While a prisoner, God appeared to St. Patrick in a dream – as God allegedly often does – and related that St. Patrick needed to flee his captors, escape to the coast, and a ship would pick him up and take him home. After his escape, St. Patrick returned home and joined the church, where studied to become a priest. Shortly thereafter, he returned to Ireland to educate the Irish heathens about the dangers of their polytheistic ways. He often used a shamrock as a teaching tool to demonstrate the Holy Trinity and after his death became a symbol for Irish Christianity.

According to the source of infinite knowledge, Wikipedia, St. Patrick’s Day is usually characterized by church services, the wearing of green – typically in the form of a shamrock –, and a removal of Lenten (my new favorite adjective btw) restrictions regarding food and drink. The day is supposed to serve as a celebration of Irish culture and traditions. However, my experiences have shown me that people generally don’t know (1) Who St. Patrick is (2) Why he is often hailed as the patron saint of Ireland (3) Where Ireland is on the map.   What usually happens is a sea of drunk people, sporting green, ambling around downtown in their drunken disposition shouting obnoxious things like “The Luck of the Irish!!” or worse showcasing their “best” Irish accent. Once again, we in America have appropriated another culture’s holiday, drastically altered its main reason for existing, and turned it into an excuse to drink heavily, wear gaudy (at times culturally inappropriate) attire and buy tacky, cheap decorations from the Dollar Store.

The other side to St. Patrick's Day is the "green squad". The green squad are those individuals that keep track of every single person in their immediate environment to ensure that everyone is wearing green on St. Patrick's Day. Should some poor soul fail to remember to wear green, the green squad will make you feel shameful and inadequeate as person. Worse yet is when they critique the level of "greenness" you are currently operating at; "Oh you just wore green earrings, wow, you must not really like Irish people you obviously don't support their culture".

Being a ginger on St. Patrick’s Day is an odd yet sometimes hilarious experience. As my best friend Jake put it “(St. Patrick’s Day) is the one day we are not only seen as fully functioning members of society, but are actually welcomed into the mixed company of non-gingers as a sign of luck”. Nothing could be closer to the truth. On any other day, the Ginger population is feared and made fun of for our pasty skin, obtrusive freckles, and general lack of soul. However today we are hugged, kissed, rubbed, as non-Irish folk (and therefore non-magical) try to soak up a little bit of that good ole Irish luck. This is why I will be heading to the gay bars tonight; to spread my little leprechaun magic around. ;)   

Probably the most significant identity that relates who I am as a person – more so than being a drag queen or being gay – is my identity as a ginger. Gingers have a long and illustrious history dating all the way back to prehistoric times as British doctors have just discovered. Check out the article here.

I also want to take this opportunity to clear up some misconceptions about the ginger populace.

1. I really do fear the sun and try to avoid it as much as possible. More so than being a gamer and generally lazy, gingerism is the reason why I do not venture out-of-doors all that often. I do not know if this makes us distant relatives of vampires but my superhuman strength and speed haven't kicked in so I am doubtful. I do enjoy the cover of night though … however because I am a gamer and generally lazy I still tend to not go out-of-doors even at night. My friends always want me to go to the beach with them and enjoy a day outside. Do you know what a day at the beach entails for me; a preteen novel, my pink IPOD, a sweatshirt, SPF 100, and an umbrella. These are all things I can manage in the confines of my home and not have to worry about skin cancer or burns.

2. If I have to hear one more person tell me that after SPF 30 it scientifically does not do anything more to protect you from the harmful rays of the sun. First of all, SHUT UP! After SPF 30 the protection only increases in small incremental amounts and at this point I will take any help I can get. Secondly, I proudly wear SPF 100 and whether it actually works or it is some stupid placebo effect occurring, I still wear it and will continue to wear it until they upgrade to SPF 120. Thirdly, if you have never suffered the torment of such a severe sunburn that your skin blisters over like some horror movie than you cannot talk.

3. Apparently Gingers are going to be extinct by 2100 – and WON'T YOU MISS US THEN! Red hair is a double recessive gene and therefore is getting overpowered by other hair genes. However scientists would like to assuage our fears by informing us that red hair, known as gingervitis, is a mutation at heart and therefore could pop up randomly. Wow, way to make it seem that we are more abnormal than we actually are. I am beginning a campaign to contact the environmental protection agency and see about getting some protections, or at least a handicap parking sticker. This also means that it is my obligation to propagate the ginger population … which means procreation … which means me and a woman …. not going to happen … but I will donate for the cause.

4. Now probably the most important topic and the one that is most contentious is the debate over whether gingers have souls or not. I have heard arguments from both sides of the issue and based upon my 23 years of life I have come to the following conclusion; gingers probably have no souls. I apologize to gingers that were under the assumption that we do or partners of gingers who are learning for the first time that their girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse has no soul. I like to think that gingers are a practical joke that the universe is playing on us to bring a little bit of laughter to the world. I also think that because God has made a somewhat practical joke out of us he has also imbued with special powers and abilities including the much feared but much desired fire crotch.

So gingers might have it kind of bad but there are some benefits to being a fabulous ginger. First of all, we are the last hair group to grey, our fair skin – because we have to take such good care of it – means that it will be smooth with less wrinkles 50 years from now instead of an intensely scary leather hide shell of a face, and the mysterious rumors surrounding our community shrouds us in a veil of intrigue that people find fascinating.