Ladies, Gentlemen, and all my no-label-gender-transgressing individuals I have solved the economic crisis that we are currently facing in American. The name of that heavenly solution is The Dollar Tree. Now some of you may be wondering; The Dollar Tree?!!?!?! How is the Dollar Tree going to cure the economic hardships plaguing this country?!?!?! Ummm I don't see how it could not. I do not have a major in accounting, economics, or business, until recently I didn't know what a 401K was, and I cannot manage my own budget - let alone a multi-trillion dollar budget. So what could this sassy Southern Belle possibly know about economic recessions or how to fix them? Not a whole lot. However, I am a smart shopper who is not afraid to admit that I find most of my show-girl hooker outfits from thrift stores and salvation armies. Plus .... have you ever been inside a Dollar Tree before?

My roommate and I decided to run a few errands over the weekend. With her working a full time job finding time to go to the grocery store or do laundry is difficult. We were about to pull into Walmart when a last minute decision in my roommate's mind sent her careening toward the parking lot of Dollar Tree.

From the moment that you walk into the Dollar Tree you feel as though you are in some weird, disturbing psychological experiment or some bullshit. Banner-like signs hang over the aisle ways proudly proclaiming - in a less than flattering green color - that EVERYTHING IN THE STORE IS $1. Unconvinced, my roommate and I tentatively moved between the aisles still unsure of the paradise that we had found ourselves in. We thought it was a colossal joke. As if, we were going to go to town and walk up to the front counter with a truckload of items and then all of sudden fucking Ashton Kutcher would jump out from behind the party planner corner and inform us that we have been punked. After the hilarity of the moment had died down, he would inform us that our purchases would roughly cost $200, and it is ridiculous of us to think that there was a store that sold everything for a $1. None of this happened though, and when the shock of the low low low prices had worn off, my roommate and I turned into Whitney Houston at a crack den - unpredictable, manic, and screaming for each other from opposite sides of the store.

You want body butter? $1! You want dish towels? $1! You want picture frames? $1! High School Musical School Folder? $1!!!!!

I might have gone a little crazy with my purchases, but I was able to walk away with 5 bags worth of crap and only ended up paying $23 for the whole lot. Are you kidding me?!?!?! Why would I go and shop anywhere else for all my essential and non-essential items?!?!?!? Best of all, it appears that alll of the lotions, body butters, and stuff have not caused my sensitive Ginger skin to break out into massive hives or kill me in any way. Although I would avoid the men's cologne like the plague. I went to get one that was a knock off of Calvin Klein BE and instead it smells like Calvin Klein PEE. Cat Piss is not really an attractive smell on anybody. 

So if you are in need of some retail therapy but this blasted economy is perhaps preventing you from doing that. Then make your way down to the local Dollar Tree store and spend like your life depends on it.