So these past couple of weeks, it's been crazy with a lot of changes and new transitions. One of them is my move to A'DOLLed Fantasy Burlesque and Cabaret Company. Although I enjoyed my time with A.Love.Nouveau, it was time for me to move forward to new projects. Amazing choreographer god Nayte Tavcar decided to branch off from A.Love.Nouveau and form his company including many of the girls from the previous troupe and myself.

Now, I have never been to a dance class or taken a dance class ever in my life. I do not know how to point my feet, I do not know what the hell an A-ron-jeu-lon is [or really how to spell it - it is supposedly a Rond De Jambe], and apparently until last night I did not truly understand the meaning of the word pain. Dancers are epic … dancing is ridiculous, and I was physically and mentally unprepared for what is about to happen. I thought that a “strength and conditioning” course was going to include some free weights, some light callisthenics, and some aerobics. What actually occurred was a very tall very angry choreographer standing over me yelling at me to dig deeper for my center splits. I didn't know that there was 15 different ways to work my splits and stretch out those muscles.

I think I knew that things were heading toward a downward path of destruction when Nayte told all us girls to find a place along the wall. He then informed us to face then wall in center splits and push ourselves as close to the wall as possible …. ummm excuse moi …. you would like me to do the splits and then purposefully push myself up into the wall? Oh hell no. However, tall angry choreographer man had a different outlook. Should it look like we weren't trying hard enough, he threatened to come up behind us and push our butts to get a deeper stretch. In the immortal words of one miss Beyonce “You must not know about me, you must not know about me”, he was so lucky that he did not try, otherwise he would have needed to pray for his life.

So once all that crap was over, I couldn't feel my legs and I stood there wondering if I would ever have the ability to procreate. Then things just got worse. Nayte wanted us to do some squatting exercises which of course is one everyone's favorite past times. On top of my legs generally checking out for the night, I had mowed down on some In & Out prior to practice, and my body was so not mentally and physically prepared to “squat”. It took all of my strength to keep from accidentally farting during the middle of rehearsal. Now normally, I have no problem farting in public and completely owning up to it, but it was our first practice and didn't want to be “that girl”. “That Girl” that then gets blamed for any future mysterious unexplained smell that occurs during practice.

To make the night of torment truly complete, we ended our “strength & conditioning” with an ab workout. Now, nothing makes me feel more like the fat kind in middle school gym class than sit ups and ab workouts. The only workout my abs get is the giant sit up I do in the morning to wake up – and half the time I cheat & roll over my side anyways. I was pretty thankful that nobody was watching me because I am fairly certain I looked like a lost and confused whale flailing on the sand. Not necessarily a pretty sight to behold.

Thankfully I survived the practice, although I am still sprawled out in bed as I write. I am still sore and recovering from the experience and hope to God that this gets easier in time. I really love all of the girls in the company and cannot wait for our first show together.