******* DISCLAIMER************

This is a completely random post and if you are someone who is easily offended by broad generalizations and assumptions, stop reading and wait for the next exciting post. Otherwise, enjoy the post.

******************************

Ever met a guy before and start crushing on him and are unsure for which team he plays for. One semi-sure way that is backed by some sort of scientific support – I think – is to obsessively comb through his facebook profile page and pick out anything that might sway your conclusions one way or another. Here are a few tips that I have picked up throughout the years:

1. Probably one of the most important but easily overlooked signs is the “interested in” statement. If that statement is blank that is a clear indicator that your potential man crush is a Friend of Judy. Now if the statement reads interested in women, do not consider the mystery solved. To quote the immortal Anjelica Houston “nothing is final until you're dead. Even then I'm sure God negotiates”.

2. Pictures – This is probably one of the most crucial areas to examine. First, if your crush has photos of him making out with men … he might be a gay. Otherwise, another sign is if your crush has a lot of photos of himself, that he took in front of a mirror with one hand holding the camera at an angle and then slowly lifting up their shirt with the other hand … he might be a gay

3. TV Shows – Although we have become more progressive over the years and it is acceptable for heterosexual males to watch such engaging programming as GLEE there are still a few signs to tell if your man-crush is a big Mo. First of all, any show that ever was, currently is, or will ever be on the Lifetime Channel is a huge flashing neon sign that he is probably a gay. BravoTV is also in a similar position. If he specifies that one of his favorite shows is Project Runway, Tabatha's Salon Takeover, or the Real Housewives of Some God Forsaken Place then he is also probably a gay.

4. Movies – Twilight … and while the rest of the preteen girl population is setting up Edward or Jacob flags, the gays are more economical and non-discriminatory and we would just take the whole lot and have a huge party ;) Regardless, if your mans has Twilight as an interest anywhere in the whole of his facebook profile than he is a gay, not probably, just is.

5. Music: Let's be frank, most gay mens' musical tastes are that of a twelve year old girl. We might try to come off as cool by saying that we listen to “Weezer” or “The Rolling Stones”, but the second that Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, or Mariah Carey come on the radio we will all scream at the top of our lungs that this is “OUR JAM” and then break out into an impromptu dance party. So beware of the pop princesses,divas, & boy bands as well as anything that has the Disney, Original Broadway Cast, or Remix in it's title. All sure fire signs of homo-osity.

6. Books – Twilight …. enough said

7. Facebook Status Updates: If you look through the history of their facebook status updates and the grand majority of them involve slightly emo-ish song lyrics that are clearly directed toward an ex-lover but are vague enough that you are not quite sure who they pertain to … your crush might be a gay

These are just a few tips to try out the next time you are trying to answer that age old question: gay or not gay? Any other ideas or thoughts or ways to tell, comment below!!!

As a drag queen, I have many influences and role models that I look up to. One that I have recently fallen in love with is the fierce lady in black, Miss Tabatha.

Over the winter break I indulged myself in the all day long Bravo TV marathons of Tabatha's Salon Takeover. You have to love a show whose premise is Tabatha walking in to various salons across the country, pointing out quite unapologetically how they are all failures of life, and then outlines in a seven day period of time how they can turn their failing business around. It always works too!! She always returns six weeks later and business is always booming, clients are always happy, and the staff is not on the verge of killing each other anymore.

I kind of want Tabatha to be my life coach. I unfortunately do not have a salon for her to take over but I totally would have Tabatha take over my life and rearrange it for me based off of the model of running a successful salon. We could document the whole thing, turn it into a special episode, with aspirations of it becoming a made for TV lifetime original movie called "Taking Over: The story of a Hair Stylist Mogul and her Drag Queen"