Los Angeles, CA: Groundbreaking channel Bravo TV is once again pioneering the fine art of reality TV with a new show set to debut this spring. Known for such masterpieces as Tabatha’s Salon Takeover, Top Chef All-Stars, and The Real Housewives of Atlanta, Beverly Hills, and New York, Bravo TV is certainly a leader in quality television; Project Bengay stands to be their greatest contribution to television yet. A spin-off of the already successful hit Project Runway, Project Bengay will follow the same basic premise except that the minimum age of contestants will be 55.

Pop culturalist and blogger Princeton Aarons applauds Bravo TV for their risk taking outlook. “It makes perfect sense. This is one of the last untapped communities in reality television. The show has a fresh perspective with an already pre-established fan base”.  Given the success of D-List celebrity Kathy Griffin's mother Maggie Griffin, this should come as no surprise. The elderly, and often drunk off of box wine, mother of the ginger comedian has become wildly successful after her appearance on the show. Dr. Parker Thomas, leading researcher at UCLA in TV/Film Studies, predicted this turn in focus to the elderly. “Audiences have become tired with the predictable patterns of drunken adults who sleep around and pregnant bratty teenagers. America is looking for an inside perspective into the golden years of America’s elders”.

Agnes Gladstone, one of the sixteen contestants, is a retired lawyer. After retirement, Gladstone pursued a number of hobbies – cross-stitching, Tae Bo, and archery – but ultimately fell in love with fashion design. “I was often disappointed by the selection at clothing stores. So I began making my own clothes and suddenly all of my girlfriends were asking for a chic comfortable outfit.

The show is rumored to have secured eccentric personality Joan Rivers as host; Rivers only commented that they were still in negotiations. Other suspected hosts for the show include Dame Judi Dench, Blonde, and Betty White. Some of the challenges for the 10 episode season include vintage versus retro, a modern funeral wear outfit, and a red carpet look for Helen Mirren. The show experienced minor setbacks early in the production process when contestants had difficulty remembering the challenges. Bravo's new television show "Project Bengay" is set to premiere March 16th at 6pm Eastern/5pm pacific.

The following is my attempt at fake news, much in the stylings of The Onion. The names, events, and places mentioned in this article are all fictional including Los Angeles. Stay tuned for more daily gossip articles!

The Utility Players are starting a new bi-weekly publication called "The Daily Gossip" - an Onion inspired creation - with the Utility Players offering their unique and comedic spin on today's news topics. Much like the Onion, all the articles are fictitious - mostly - and all names are made up - except for the celebrities we make fun of.  I was asked to contribute an article, and while it is my first foray into journalism, I had a lot of fun writing the article and excited for the next issue. Let me know what you'll think.

The Daily Gossip: Vol. 1

Hollywood, CA: The preteen world was shocked when doctors revealed that pop-singing -sensation-wannabe-

cross-over-actress, Miley Cyrus, has multiple personality disorder. Cyrus was admitted to the Hollywood Mental Health Center late Saturday afternoon. According to sources, the Disney icon was enjoying lunch at the London by herself when things started to get out of hand.

Dorothy Camera, who was outside the London walking her Labradoodle at the time of the incident, noticed Cyrus exiting the restaurant in a rush yelling loudly to herself. “At first I thought she was on one of those blue tooth devices that are so popular these days,” Camera related. "However, she then started slapping herself and screaming ‘I’m the best of both worlds. No I’m the best of both worlds’." Apparently, Gordon Ramsey attempted to intervene to subdue the amateur diva, but regretted that decision when he received a Fendi purse to the eye.

Dr. Herbert Wiffen was the doctor on call when Cyrus came into the Center. “It was difficult checking her into the Center; first she said her name was Destiny, then Miley, then Hannah, and then Miley.” Doctor Wiffen, who is no stranger to the child star gone astray, has treated such personalities as Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen, as well as Raven Simone. When asked how this all happened, Doctor Wiffen had this to say on the matter: “I believe the stress of debating whether or not she should reveal her hidden identity over the years finally took it’s toll on her. I’m going to do every thing I can, but the diagnosis does not look good."

When father and fellow actor Billy Ray Cyrus was asked his thought on the tragic news he exclaimed, “I call dibbs on Miley’s Room!” Concerned parents and screaming fans are directing their blame for the incidence at the Disney Corporation. Disney denies that it is responsible, citing that Cyrus signed a contract absolving Disney from all legal blame should Cyrus suffer from paranoia, tone deafness, and/or multiple personality disorder.

Much uncertainly surrounds the future of this once rising pop star. However, I think Cyrus had it right when she said, “But you can’t wait, to see me again.

Friend & fellow Homeslice Productions entertainer Ian Soresen is starting up a new video blog based on his own version of Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update. The Nooz Sho is hosted by the charaismatic Sore Iansen delivering this week's most important headlines - delivered in th same fashion as the Onion. Stayed tuned every week for a new episode. I always feel that after I watched the Nooz Sho a little more aware of what is happening in the world but also I may or may not have a little crush on Sore Iansen - eye candy is always a great source of motivation in getting me to watch the news [ thank god for Anderson Cooper].