My roommate is totally geeking out to this brand new television show called Toddlers and Tiaras on The Learning Channel. She is completely obsessed with stage parents and the ridiculous things they both say and do to their children. For her, discovering Toddlers and Tiaras is like a fat kid finding the infamous golden ticket – delicious to indulge in but know is bad for you at the same time.

So she sat me down and said there were a couple of clips that I had to watch.The show, which is on TLC Wednesdays 10/9c, follows a number of the children and their parents as they work the pageant circuit in some hopes of winning the precious crown. OH … MY … LANTA – after watching the show, I realized that I had discovered what was, until now, an undiscovered section of the gay agenda – which is weird because I get the monthly memos. Here is my theory about the gay agenda and how it relates to Toddler and Tiaras. Gay men are going undercover and marrying slightly homely women for the sole purpose of birthing children so they can enter these children in beauty pageants, win all the competitions, and eventually rule the entire circuit with a bedazzled limp wrist of fabulousness. My roommate showed me two clips; go to the website and check out Ava's Dad and Jayla's Dad. Whereas typically the stage parent usually falls on the mother's shoulders, in these two particular cases the father is the primary figure. Now I am all about the changing and challenging of gender roles, however this is not the case. The clip about Ava's dad opens with this ridiculously flamboyant man saying;

“I AM THE BEST DAD EVER! I am Ava's coach, choreographer, makeup artist, costume designer, and personal consultant”

….. GGGGGGAAAAAAYYYYYYY. Gay Gay Gay Gay Liberace gay

Really … I mean really really. The other dad talks about how he has always had a passion for pageants and how he is excited to be able to share this time with his daughter because it has drawn them closer together. I would not be surprised if he ran up on stage, pushed all the contestants off stage – including his daughter – and attempt to win the pageant for himself.

In general, the show is pretty ridiculous and generally amusing however there are some slightly disturbing things about the show. There is something a little unnerving about a two year old needing a fake tan and watching parents spray tan their children is a little awkward and weird. Though nothing is as awkward is when one of the girls looses and the parents have to console their child but secretly they are completely and utterly disappointed and depressed – especially the closeted gay stage dads.Yay for the amazingness that is reality television with a little glitter and competition thrown in for fun.